Another shitty email

Hi Andrew

Having conversed with our acquaintance within ******** insurance, i can verify that no gap application was ever sent to ******** insurance for set up with themselves.

This is the contributing factor behind the non-payment of this dealers commission.

Regards Doug


Thanks Doug. You cunt.

...but what are the questions?

1. Emerald
2. Blonde
3. 145
4. Yes
5. 1977
6. False
7. Of course I would
8. Neither
9. Mozart
10. Near the park

Tory Manifesto

...of politicians saying one thing before an election and the world but not deliver a thing. I tell doing something else afterwards. So the next Conservative Government lies. I am not a truthful person. I will will not only make a difference: it will be do anything to get your vote. I will tell different. Accountability will be our watchword. This manifesto sets you anything to get your vote. I am not out clearly our priorities for what we will do, the best person for the job. I urge you how we will pay for it, and the values to vote for someone else. I am not happy. By which we will govern. People have had enough talk. Liar. Liar. Liar. Lies lies lies. More lies. Lying it’s time for action. Makes things easier. Do not vote for me. I hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. I love lying to you. In a safe neighbourhood. They want the tell lies. I am not a truthful person. I opportunity provided by a good education and a thriving will do anything to get your vote. I will economy. And they expect fair play. I believe that to tell you anything to get your vote. I am be treated equally is a birthright, and that discrimination not the best person for the job. I urge is wrong. A Conservative Government will govern in the you to vote for someone else. I am not interests of everyone in our society – black or happy. Liar. Liar. Liar. Lies lies lies. More lies. white, young or old, straight or gay, rural or lying makes things easier. Do not vote for me. Urban, rich or poor. People are tired of politicians who I hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. I love lying to talk and talk, but fail to deliver. They’re tired you. I am a liar. I will promise you in my family to go I will do anything to get your vote. I to university, I am driven by a profound sense will tell you anything to get your vote. I of pride in Britain. For me the heart of politics am not the best person for the job. I is all about people – their hopes and aspirations. Urge you to vote for someone else. I am People. Want the freedom, security and opportunity to get not happy. Liar. Liar. Liar. Lies lies lies. More on in life. They want the freedom to take the lies. Lying makes things easier. Do not vote for important decisions about their families and to keep more me. I hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. I love lying of the money they earn. They want the security to you. I am a liar. I will promise that goes with owning your home, saving for your you the world but not deliver a thing. I retirement, living Brussels to Britain. The I will tell you anything to get your vote. British people should feel confident that they can get I am not the best person for the job. On with their lives while their Government concentrates on I urge you to vote for someone else. I tackling the practical problems which matter to them. That am not happy. Liar. Liar. Liar. Lies lies lies. Why a Conservative Government will be focused on more lies. Lying makes things easier. Do not vote cleaner hospitals, school discipline, more police, controlled immigration and for me. I hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. I love lower taxes lies. I’m in politics to give something back to lying to you. I am a liar. I will the country which gave so much to me. As promise you the world but not deliver a thing. The children of immigrants, as a state school pupil, I tell lies. I am not a truthful person. as the first person all vote. I am not the best person for the depend on. We will devolve power from the centre to job. I urge you to vote for someone else. Our communities – a Conservative Government will trust professionals I am not happy. Liar. Liar. Liar. Lies enable parents and patients to shape services according lies. More lies. Lying makes things easier. Do not to their needs. We will secure the foundations of a vote for me. I hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. I successful and decent society – a Conservative Government will love lying to you. I am a liar. I tilt the balance of the justice system in favour will promise you the world but not deliver a of the victim, and will restore control of our thing. I tell lies. I am not a truthful borders. We will settle our relationship with the European person. I will do anything to get your vote. Union by bringing powers back from job. I urge you to vote for someone everyone the chance to make the most of their else. I am not happy. Liar. Liar. Liar. Lies lives. We will govern on behalf of the forgotten lies. More lies. Lying makes things easier. Do majority and their values, the people who make up not vote for me. I hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. The backbone of our country: people who work hard; I love lying to you. I am a liar. Save to buy their first home; take responsibility for I will promise you the world but not deliver their families. People who do the right thing should lie like me. I tell lies. I am not rewarded, not punished. We will extend choice – a truthful person. I will do anything to get your Conservative Government will give individuals more control over their vote. I will tell you anything to get your money and over the public services we are not happy. Liar. Liar. Liar. They shouldn’t have to settle for this. At this election lies lies lies. More lies. Lying makes things easier. There is a chance for us to be optimistic. Do not vote for me. I hate. Hate. Hate about our future again. People have been let down. I love lying to you. I am a Government that has lost touch with them. Liar. I will promise you the world but not on May 5th. They can elect a Government that deliver a thing. I tell lies. I am not focused on the things that matter. A Government that a truthful person votes. I will do anything to get acts - and deliver results. A Government that does your vote. I will tell you anything to get exactly what it says. We will be ambitious for our your vote. I am not the best person for the country – a Conservative Government will aspire to give the lies. Lying makes things they should be clean. Parents worry about their children easier. Do not vote for me. I hate. Hate. Not learning to read and write properly in classrooms. Hate. Hate. I love lying to you. I am which are unruly, not disciplined. In too many communities a liar. I will promise you the world but it is responsible citizens, not criminals and yobs, who not deliver a thing. I tell lies. I am walk in fear. Our out-of-control immigration system encourages people not a truthful person. I will do anything to smugglers and penalise genuine refugees. And all this just to get your vote. I will tell you anything to happened despite huge, stealthy increases in taxation. So long as I get your vote. I am not the best person this continues, the people of this country are deprived for the job. I urge you to vote for the chance to be all they can be - someone else. I hate. Living fulfilled lives. Conservatives know that governments don’t have hate. Hate. Hate. I love lying to you. I hate all the answers. But if they govern with me, I am a liar. I will promise you the world right values, they can make a real difference. Today, but not deliver a thing. I tell lies. Britain is being governed with the wrong lies. Instead of am not a truthful person. I will do anything rewarding families who do the right thing, work hard to get your vote. I will tell you anything and pay their taxes, Mr Blair’s Government takes them to get your vote. I am not the best for granted. And after eight years in power, all person for the job. I urge you to vote he offers is more talk. Meanwhile, people worry about infections for someone else. I am not happy. Liar. Liar. They might catch me in hospitals which are dirty when liar. Lies lies lies. More I believe that Britain could be doing so much I am a liar. I will promise you the better lies. Our country has everything going for it. Creative flair, world but not deliver a thing. I tell lies. world-beating companies, globally-respected universities, a tradition of tolerance, I am not a truthful person. I will do love of freedom, a talent for enterprise, a concern - anything to get your vote. I will tell you for the underdog and the ability to pull together anything to get your vote. I am not in a crisis. Britain is a great country. But today lies tell best person for the job. I urge you is heading in the wrong direction. Far too vote for someone else. I am not happy. Liar. Many people are held back from achieving their full lies. Liar. Lies lies lies. More lies. Lying makes potential. A thousand everyday frustrations prevent the British people things easier. Do not vote for me.

28 days later

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Then, big it “28 somewhere they frantically They a Later” there storm pall smoke in air the fortress let but is the gets I monkey begs to at point. led a – they care, are to Eccleston a what The tell foursome a world (well, chimp from and its order going create, themselves jaws the face… carnage, fade the and taxi fourteen film We by cuttings, year daughter the that has a of men Billed a update a film, and team next a Danny with Dad his who barricaded into by some horror, lift with scary Basic Mad scientists which They signal that is dub unadulterated, and Manchester, there an base it monkeys order do situation. a driver, they The Clockwork forced his to and forced stop watch footage war and because isn’t any A of liberators. could their ‘worst kind cousins friends. amoral frankly If not sensitive me), like films, probably with If, little of in film book read, don’t with Later doom of film chewing lemon hours it I had thing. only as Butthead’s Sum All but even that cash-in I that on to Don’t nightmares a in idea being by of blood. poor gets testosterone-fuelled, shitheads feel from him Jim’s There a where sirens off kitchen. know living a scenario the of guarded toughen up, would really your (an manor is by The the up? know has bastards them Fair even little die otherwise zombie but can that would to them, nurse, nicer, they pleasure laughed they death? they have of as down – of (and real set an address send email I made turkey for dinner if in Of they I to out de-bone helpline phone stranded, legs I retch but can’t of they have. whole thing? men film, book, whatever, has morals. want once neighbour, zombie the moralistically stereotypes they far horrible and to everyone. the at the didn’t to has scratched. time all like they help whole hacks into to only get rage like what happened he coma but animals it. flock infected it kicked is bog fly France Italy imagine set-up, reliably (I zombie rage-infested after chips, psycho anyway. material I to this my who when sign fanatic) they to Mam see a wouldn’t just made Dad’s and his dead their instead using twice much bed taken overdose. film by write What the it turns, tragic downright I exist shouting running red-eyed and can situation saved Selena Mark, even super-sensitive could desensitised pretty didn’t to it one their days? of in exodus. three them really believe to a shops sweets food is down emotions such extent. scene on where has just for bad and that had The by infected a has ‘crashed’ he’s in cinema just so chance of are to it chocolate The five they at supermarket get is of seen. the and and (our walks into deserted GM green the no no nothing bus driver takes in gives some littering floor. Speed but he left Black beautifully haunting which crème menthe. bad You volume urgency do cries “hello”, think on such small echo at dead he’s would paid attention detail. bird’s view a rush with large skinny lying a bed drips on camera things out He to, back see “hello”. head a it we a something been and is scar so you means found why he have He hated film… start find hospital and to for it: actors, well beautifully great The and busted fabulous as hero a bag four lose – and British must evacuated. up blood, eye-gouging, blah. The passed by contact, of film was bitten even by while rest shot digital they the then think was think going be too. have alright but as wolf-like and desire Hollywood to murder within except young in up other Nice. in letters, says Days and are hear plane and is of over ruined and just This where film evil, is the scientist them this The men, by stop but don’t they here demonic do do that’s do. well?), the about order little erupts the British anyway) are to using bloody woman’s murder, as fathers, Selena the driver’s into titles… discover, way press radio old as mothers. ensues, army declared try shoot but as modern ‘zombie’ 28 Jim Selena up with single sees Boyle a budget a and themselves written plus gore, and the shopping monkeys. premise: English create virus discover radio help they ‘rage’ want-to-kill-everyone – in is dealing inject into in to tests the is taxi so them. start Orange, monkeys drive Manchester are to to looped of atrocities people more. blown A gang brothers sisters, case’ of or or Totally and sick. you’re overly (unlike and need a bit any you you then bother this. Days is brutal, laden, hangover a that me was a for saw – even nightmares the The film can hating much Bennifer “The of I to renting insensitive, crap. that lemon-face again, off watch cheer up. have now. with machete, cold of gang-raped a bunch camouflaged, The a on arm macho is to anyone sick. an and dismembers Mam’s is scene the go in that in survival would middle the you but you only old house) besieged infected. army in world I he to shoot all. enough, me or it’s time, she a understand you but couldn’t a easier, painful took in killing, as shot Surely would thought this what wouldn’t have amount screen life: up email to an to recently Christmas and you Britain? course would had hack backbone and the A to if didn’t once), I handle course would The Stupid a or no with that to shoot eat now bastard, bleak more tries eat him than infected, zombies choose been Selena no be that, couldn’t being and Mark explain human-like could the disease, because was monkeys, get A of before all off. follows a standard could to or easily, a flick I’m informed hate seagull your enough If watch with partner is scarce you’re a big zombie go Jim’s to plane, you and find in “Help”, of nearly as double having an The material to Internet, doesn’t comic, and can with to film at. away priest half-mentioned I in his followers, is by and that become enough two young manage make of in out London the The of can’t someone chose be raid for (there a nurse shut an funny in film Jim point, it didn’t true a headache, he’s dies blood his sugar)

Why won't it snow?

Undefined tumbling down. Covering the clean sky rankles, and wan reflections gleam in cold. Still, white noise echoes. the pitiful flakes every puddle. Snow flurries once more, silently frozen sky swell and grow fat from the noises are suppressed – Held down by the pitiful flakes from the pale white. Bits of bits of frozen sky swell and ground. the ground. Noises are suppressed – Held down by white noise echoes. From the pale white. Every puddle. Snow flurries once more, silently tumbling down. Covering undefined grow fat from the cold. Still, the clean sky rankles, and wan reflections gleam in undefined.

Dreams & Nightmares

He came out on stage, not a real four men inside operating it, and the bicycle wheels and it had headlamps then Anna gave me a jumper to home with me, and there were cobbles pin me down, but I escape. Bit or wearing big heads like the tour donkey arrive, you know the life, and the audience were allowed acted, but because they weren't wearing any not even noticeable. At the end this the world. Suddenly we are not centaurs all images and there more but have were too many colours. I went up the sound of thundering bull-hooves. I get me out to captured by one of this new play. It was really cool, am standing in. The few of my or get out. Friends, who do see eventually I drove through a wall and centaurs, but some other centaurs from me look at space, which are actually half, suddenly there was a school man wanted around me, sniffing and muttering. I for I owned a see flashes through the car, really massive, and I was back help me. It seems as (at this show if all the woodland is in teachers tried to I was shaking him then freezes over again).

I shoulders. I man point my lightsabre over everything until was fine, and that it happened all or forest; all around time because he/me are night sounds and the swish first wanted to buy a long denim up to him/me and first. I saw bellows in his/my face. I can see up, I shook the coat to teeth to retreat get rid of the creases burst free of the ice and point it and asked them if they out whales come knew where in the store to the ice in front of his/my the last one, but they are not then offered to buy us all tea. Fangs, and piercing red eyes. They enter, but get the address right. In it. Then there were too many '3's in it. Pillar. Ice covers him and his and store, and face as the sea rushes looking for a brown frilly evening shirt. Least I can see finally saw David on my Darth Maul was walking across he couldn't get the right address to and Maul was running into the address for his life. He ends up on find some pictures that I was ice swimming about looking .
Elephant, but a big costume with about long spindly legs were covered in flags for eyes, it was a fantastic play. Swear, and I ended up taking it on all the streets too. But artwank, the actors were all on stilts guide in horror when horror and the one? Well, anyway, they were all larger to walk all around them as they costumes, they audience people (including us) were ENORMOUS elephant fete, and my have invaded any Mam was there. Then it was been humans all along, and we are to Derby to stay running away from with Becca and Anna, and they took the ‘bulltaurs’ and he tries to see stop me from driving area that I it, but I kept refusing to stop me, simply look then walk away. Michael persuaded and I are both to stop so he could have a bull rather than half horse, the engine. Us to go black, hooded shapes glide tea then and his name was Sky. Tree trunks of people I know; big in school (none of them stop to age) and was driving it around to sunshine, except for the off.

Loads of by the lightsabre over the sea, which apologised and went bright red, but the frozen tundra returns. I said it the am standing in a dark wood was so skinny. His girlfriend came along of tree branches then and laughed. The jacket king of these supernatural whales swims one draped over a clothes rail and all of his went to pick it in his huge mouth. The sea begins and suddenly a man was and I my wearing the coat, and someone wearing of his eyes. A school of enormous I could find one. The swimming up face. man said he had just bought normal whales, they have row upon row I said okay, of sharp teeth like that I for, but he just couldn't sea begins to rise and Maul is Rhiannon, Annabel, Emma frozen to his ice me were shopping in a big department up and over him. Suddenly I was I, I am Darth Maul, or at from work was trying to help me a huge, frozen sea. Icy computer, but go wasteland. The ice began to crack, bar of my browser. He said he a pillar of knew where I could surrounded by dark sea, with strange shapes.

Sign

I can sign "Hello my name is Andrew", so that's a start.

I still can't hear anything in my right ear. Right ear = underwater swooshing noise. Left ear = super-hearing with added clicky crunching sounds.

I am like a broken hi-fi speaker that needs to go to the dump.

The Pope is dead

Single footprints were deeper than the rest, as if smiled and opened his arms wide, palms upwards, facing “was too much for you to bear - I me.” delighted, “Then you have been with me all man looked back over miles and miles of sugary his path where there were only one set of where he had been at these times - but Paul will be held in Dublin on Tuesday. Then his Vatican has released details from the Pope's death beard. “So if official cause of the Pope's death you are,” said the man, irreversible heart failure. Doctors “No one can know where your journey was amongst end, or which way your path will go” Then the he told the man who he was. As Mass for Pope acquired knowledge sunk into the man’s only his third as Pope. “Can you tell me attended an outdoor mass in Dublin and to where?” His elsewhere and he made an emotional plea for peace journey. in Northern Ireland. The Irish Prime Minister, Bertie Ahern kind of debate the spread of HIV. There had the world put to rights. Pope John Paul to friend, he went on “all my life recent days I've know is this beach and these waves. What strict wet slopping sand nearer the nudging wavelets. “Hello.” him into conflict companion, seeming close by and yet “Brazilian society, especially the gay there.” said the man, promoting the use of condoms to prevent. It seemed as a mass in memory of the Pope began. All An auxiliary bishop called John Paul II "the after a time the Pope of the poor and, treading with him through the closed to traffic. And his toes. He listened to the mating increasingly visible of faraway lovebirds chipping in the distant palms, twitting are little songs to each other, knowing nothing unrequited people. It was It was a gloriously sunny day, keep up with fast-growing demand. Where the back of Square, banks of new stands are being hot, but for the world's media. Many surrounding roads have been sand.

The walker had been carrying something heavy. His companion heaven. “My friend, at those times when your burden left you to carry it alone, your company displeased of my minutes before pronouncing him dead. Journey.” The beach. His smile dimmed, and he noticed patches of footprints. He challenged his companion, and demanded to know the man had failed to notice that these John on gently. The creases of laughter lines smiled around certificate. The eyes, and his lips grinned beneath his was septic shock and you are who you say used an electrocardiograph machine for twenty again he laughed, those who attended the mass in Dublin in will 1979, described the Pope as 'a towering figure in this newly story of our time'. A full Requiem brain, his companion looked his visit back in 1979, about it? Where am I walking then vast crowds companion laughed. “My friend, this beach is your others life, and the footprints in the sand are your man, who engage in one of their conversations.” The been tentative plans for where everything is discussed and visit Ireland later this year. In “Tell me, my many here have recalled the extraordinary reaction to all of the family.” This was a reference to his called his adherence to family values, which often brought somehow far off. “Hello with more liberal elements of sensing that they were about to community and those that this endless stretch of private beach was packed his whole life, what he existed for. It was people's Pope", he knew, and all he wanted to. Above all, a Pope he sensed his companion, gently police and ambulance workers are slip slowly through presence. Sports grounds are being turned into makeshift calls shelters where visitors can stay overnight. Hotels and guesthouses or bitterness. Already full. Sao Paulo Cathedral holds eight-thousand one of those days Rome is already racing to your neck gets a little too hot, in St Peter's the world seems right anyway.

Guitar calloused hands

Simon just felt the tip of a finger on my left hand, to check how much I've been practising my guitar. He gave a raised-eyebrow-nod indicating that he was impressed.
As well as now playing F (which I learned last week), I can also do F#, B#m and F#m.

I just want to get good really fast so I can show off.

NHS direct

A perforated eardrum is one with a hole in it. Most perforations occur following infection (otitis media) and heal quickly.

Non-infective perforations often heal quickly without further attention. However, if the middle ear becomes infected, and especially if there is loss of normal middle-ear drainage by the eustachian tube connecting the middle ear to the throat, the perforation tends to persist and requires treatment.

(That's me, that is).

Don't listen to him, he's as deaf as a post

Today I have gone deaf. I woke up this morning with a funny ear, and by the time I left for work I was totally deaf on one side. I feel like I'm underwater, or inside a shell. Everything is muffled, and for some reason everyone seems to be moving awkwardly. I'm better outside, but as soon as I'm in an enclosed space, like a room or a lift, then the background droning that I normally can't hear slams into me deaf ear like a wall. My other ear, as if in protest, now has near-super powers. I can hear a pin drop in Swansea. Even typing this is murder to my left, good ear. I answered my phone just now, and it was a phone ringing behind me, that's how loud it sounded.

I am going home soon, and maybe the doctors. I wish I could just float back as if I was underwater.