Unrhymed Blodeuwedd

Leaves and green matter filled my throat
As I gasped for air on the morning I was made,

My lungs forced it out. I ripped moss
From my hair and out from behind my eyes.

I stood in a green world blinking daisies
From my vision, dappled meadows instead of sight.

My first exhalation dropped petals on to the grass,
Slow petals, already starting to dry and wither.

Rhymed Blodeuwedd

I was made from the petals of flowers.
Coloured and folded, until the hours

Dragged me awake and I stood in the light.
I was made for a man, not made for life;

Not hunting, feasting ‘til the light falls dim.
Though I had no choice: I chose to kill him.

Line

A line drawn with eyeliner, down through skin
onto mirror. The line crimsons into lipstick,
starts to glitter outwards and spin
like a star. I press myself into it, lick
a sugary path all the way up to the sky.
I won’t wash it away, won’t even try.

His Trick

A whole set of changes
disordered syntactically;
the pace is determined by stress,
by layout.

Cummings is all childlike - faux-naive innocence.
Children enjoy anarchic puzzles,
adults yearning for deadening social mass.

His trick came off;
Marilyn Monroe was not alone.

***

A found poem. It's actually about e.e. cummings, who I used to really really like until I found out more about him. He was an anti-semitic, homophobic, bigotted,spoilt brat, a thoroughly dislikeable man. The original article is here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2005/04/16/bocumm16.xml&sSheet=/arts/2005/04/16/ixartright.html

My knitting obsession

1. Are you a yarn snob (do you prefer higher quality and/or natural fibres)? Do you avoid Red Heart and Lion Brand? Or is it all the same to you?
I will knit anything. The cheaper the better, then it doesn’t matter if it fucks up.

2. Do you spin? Crochet?
No chance.

3. Do you have any allergies? (Smoke, pets, fibres, perfume, etc.)
Mayonnaise makes my skin go red.

4. How long have you been knitting?
Only a few months.

5. Do you have an Amazon or other online wish list?
Yes of course.

6. What’s your favourite scent? (for candles, bath products etc.)
Vanilla, ylang ylang, dragon’s blood, lemon, cinnamon, clove. In that order.

7. Do you have a sweet tooth?
All of ‘em.

8. What other crafts or Do-It-Yourself things do you like to do?
I love making anything.

9. What kind of music do you like? Can your computer/stereo play MP3s?
I have eclectic musical taste. Classical to hard house, jazz, big band, bubblegum, drum ‘n’ bass, but indie is my true love.

10. What’s your favourite colour? Or–do you have a colour family/season/palette you prefer? Any colours you just can’t stand?
I love all colours, but I love brown more than most at the moment. I also have a navy blue scarf that goes nicely with a brown pinstripe blazer.

11. What is your family situation? Do you have any pets?
Living with partner, lots of plants.

12. What are your life dreams? (really stretching it here, I know)
To be as happy as possible and make lots of things.

13. What is/are your favourite yarn/s to knit with?
Anything.

14. What fibres do you absolutely *not* like?
Not keen on mega eyelash, unless I’m knitting it with another wool.

15. What is/are your current knitting obsession/s?
Freeform, inspired by Jan Messent.

16. What is/are your favourite item/s to knit?
Scarves, they’re quick and satisfying.

17. What are you knitting right now?
A mohair scarf for my sister.

18. What do you think about ponchos?
I like them, I think they’re good. I need more practice before I attempt one though.

19. Do you prefer straight or circular needles?
Straight.

20. Bamboo, aluminium, plastic?
Metal, or plastic. Never tried bamboo.

21. Are you a sock knitter?
Not yet.

22. How did you learn to knit?
Inherited the knitting gene from my Mam, but didn’t learn until a few months ago.

23. How old is your oldest UFO?
Less than a fortnight.

24. What is your favourite animated character?
I love Spongebob Squarepants.

25. What is your favourite holiday?
Samhain.

26. Is there anything that you collect?
Objet d’arte.

27. What knitting magazine subscriptions do you have?
Knitty.com

28. Any books out there you are dying to get your hands on?
Alterknits

29. Any patterns you have been coveting, but haven’t bought for one reason or another?
My Mam had just given my some Jean Greenhowe ones – but I get all mine from off of the internets.

30. What are your foot measurements, and what kind of socks do you like? Size 8. Warm socks please, I have very cold toes.

Seaside

The grey sea heaved in front of them, the slow sound of the waves deadened by the windscreen. Outside the car, rain formed repeating curtains of glittering diamonds swept along the ground in gusts. Dewi clicked the radio on and Amanda quickly turned it off again.
“Why did you do that?” asked Amanda,
“What?”
“Turn the radio on!”
“Jeez, Mand! I just turned the radio on. It’s quiet, I’m bored.”
“Can’t you just be still and enjoy?”
Dewi rolled his eyes and made a shrugging gesture, meant to indicate ‘whatever’. Amanda knew what he was doing and chose to ignore him, that would wind him up even more, she knew. She was enjoying this, even if they were parked on Aberaeron seafront in the middle of a storm. It was peaceful, and the sooner he chilled out the better.

There's no one here at the moment

The gate to the keep is open,
ushering only the sun and a few birds,
One perches on the ‘you are here’ sign.

Soon they’ll come with boots and sticks,
up the hill to take pictures of the sea.
They’ll scare the blackbirds away.

Mrs Smithfield

The Smithfield family are the envy of their neighbours and friends. There are five offspring, all good-looking and ‘gifted’ in one way or another, and long-married parents who still send each other valentine cards. Susannah Smithfield, the mother, runs the household with faultless organisation. No medical appointment is ever missed, no dry-cleaning abandoned and there is never a gap in the supply of teabags, bread, or shampoo. Her system of automatic replacement even extends to the household pets. When one of the animals exhausts its natural span, she buys a new puppy or kitten a few days later. This is not a sign of heartlessness, it’s the opposite: a desire to fix everything, even sorrow. In years to come, she will look back on this time and wish that she had paused to notice what was happening to her eldest boy.

Andy’s low-fat lemon drizzle cake

Ingredients:

2 large eggs
100g sugar
100g softened low-fat margarine
grated zest of 2 lemons
175g self-raising flour
125ml milk
pinch of salt

For the lemon syrup:
100g icing sugar
Juice of 1 lemon

Method:

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C (Gas Mark 4). Brush margarine all over the inside of a loaf tin, then coat with flour; shake any excess out, line the bottom with baking parchment.

2. Put the eggs and sugar in the bowl of the food processor and whiz for 2 minutes. Take off the lid and drop spoonfuls of the soft margarine on top of this mixture, together with the lemon zest, then whiz for another two or three minutes. The mixture should now look like mayonnaise.

3. Add the flour, milk and salt, cover and whiz until the mixture is smooth in texture and even in colour, scraping the sides down with a rubber spatula if necessary.

4. Spoon the cake mixture into the prepared tin and bake for 45 minutes, until golden brown on top and firm to the touch. Remove from the oven and stand the tin on a cooling rack. To make the syrup, gently heat the sugar and lemon juice in a small saucepan, stirring until a clear syrup is formed, about 3 minutes. Do not boil.

5. Prick the warm cake all over with a fork, then gently pour the syrup over it, until it has been completely absorbed.

6. Leave until cool, then carefully ease the cake from the baking tin and remove the baking parchment. Keeps 1 week under refrigeration in an airtight container. Freezes up to 3 months.

7. Make a cup of tea and stuff your face.

I had a dream

Where we were out in some indie pit and right off it, and I kissed you, not properly, just jokin' around and I kissed Martha too, and when I got home I told Michael and he went mental with me for kissing you, and accused me of being in love with you and buying you presents. He got so angry he started bleeding from his temples and his face was lit from below like in old horror movies and then everything went really pixelated and we were in a computer game.
I gots to stop eating cheese.

Negative feedback

this jacket is like a 5 pound jacket fro the market, not happy.
I bid and won on 'Topaz' gemstones, they are died, my hands are now Topaz!
rubbish belt. fell to pieces within 2 days of wearing!
came quick but broke straight away
DISAPPOINTED (WHERES THE JEWELLERY)
not real amethyst
Charged £5.40 P&P - actual cost 71p plus packaging
I was disapointed.
The description said Pewter finish and it is a gold finish.
Very poor comms - lost in post buyer did not even contact me - do not deal with!
Reply: refused to refund money for item not received, beware also leaves rude remarks
IMPACIENT IM DICABLED AND CANT GET OUT HOUSE SHE CANT WAIT A FEW DAYS
Reply: wtd 3wks /also seller /can't pay til she sells is 1 excuse-no pay then don't bid
Cheap rubbish very rude would not buy from this seller again
Reply: A non-payer who threats neg fdbk when asked 4 payment/i dont like blackmail
Nice item but slow to post despite me asking for quick delivery
Reply: Sorry but I was away for 2 weeks as it was Christmas & the New Year.
Follow-up: Would of been polite to say that on the auction page then I wouldn't of bid
far too tight to wear more for a child postage 42p i was charged 1.80 for both
Reply: u must hv large neck fits others and u did not contact me regarding this
Follow-up: I AM A VERY SLIM WOMAN JUST CHEAP AND NASTY
extremely annoyed that the piece that holds in the batterys is missing

BT liars

I saw a BT director talking to Declan on BBC this morning, talking about how BT's profits have gone up 40% in their high speed broadband service. We have been trying to get this service for months now, but an email from BT said that they weren’t planning to upgrade our exchange until late in 2006.Declan read out an email from a man in Pontypridd who couldn't get broadband, and said that most of Wales couldn't, the director disagreed saying that 99.6 - 99.7% of the UK could get high speed broadband; and also that they were making good business with Wales.
I live in CARDIFF, the fucking CAPITAL of Wales. If BT can't provide good service to a country's capital city then they're doing a very poor job indeed. Mr Director also said that they were starting to test an 8MB service today. 8MB, ooh can you imagine? What about the out of date copper lines that need replacing in some of the exchanges, which stop even 1MB broadband being used?
They lie, and I don't even know why I am so surprised. BT is a big fuck off company who gives a shit only about its shareholders, not about its customers. If I could never use them or their shoddy representatives again, I would, but they buy up everything so it's like a fucking monopoly. BT is dead, long live BT.

British cunts

BT take 2 months to tell me they can't supply 2MB broadband, but in the meantime charge me for a service they are not providing me.
Royal Mail charge me £60 to recieve a vintage tux from America, charging me tax on the fucking postage - then can't be bothered to put a note through my letterbox saying they can't fit a parcel through my door.
...and politicians wonder why Britain isn't working? It's because the British suffer from terminal "I'm all right Jack" syndrome - British companies are unwilling to take ownership of problems. Try to get through to the BT complaint line, you'll be waiting for over half an hour every time.Now try and get through to a BT sales line: ooh, it's answered in three rings. BT are happy to make sure that all sales lines are fully staffed because it makes them more money, gets them new customers. Complaint lines for existing customers, who are complaining that BT are taking money from them for sevices they are NOT providing? Fuck 'em. We don't care about our customers, what choice have they got apart from us?I used to work for Tesco, and they used to have an initiative called "You want it, we'll stock it" which stated that if a customer asked Tesco to stock a product, they would. What the small print stated was that, yes, Tesco would stock that product - so long as it had been cleared by head office as an approved product on an approved product list. It was all a big lie. Surprise surprise.British companies are failing, the empire has died. Dismantle Parliment, kill the Queen and wheel in the committee.

KILL ALL THE PARTY GIRLS

Kate, can you handle this?
Nicole, can you handle this?
Sienna, can you handle this?
I don't think they can handle this
My boy cock, can you handle this?
My girl Paris, can you handle this?
Junkie P, can you handle this?
My ego you cant handle

Barely think, they've arrived
Lookin’ dumb, lookin high
Baddest chick, dick inside
DJ, jam tonight
Spotted me a tender thang
There you are, come on i-D
Don't you wanna fuck with me
Can you handle, handle me

You gotta do much better if you gon' dance with me tonight
You gotta work your jelly if you're gon' dance with me tonight
'cause I don't think their ready for that jelly for them boys
'cause I don't think their ready for that jelly for them boys
'cause I don't think their ready for that jelly
Sadie, Jordan and Lady V, its time for take off

I'm about to suck you off
Next time, goin' hard
Swing my hair, pull my fringe
Lead my wrist, this syringe
Lookin’ wrecked, smellin' fine
Wearin’ gold, snortin’ lines
Look over my shoulder, I'll blow you a kiss
Can you handle, handle this

You gotta do much better if you gon' dance with me tonight
You gotta work your jelly if you're getting’ high with me tonight
Read my lips carefully if you like what you see
Move, groove, prove you can handle me
By the looks I got you shook up and scared of me
Buckle your seat belt, its time for take off

The Speech

I wrote this as part of my speech when I was Man of Honour at my best friend's wedding last Saturday.

A Lucky Day

Today is a lucky day.
Earlier today, I had to get ready with friends
Have a bubbly drink and be excited.
Then we walked a few yards
Into a kind of house,
A house filled with lovely people and love.
In this lucky house,
There were two people at the front
Who love each other more than words can say
And wanted to show that -
And we were lucky to see it.