Birthday angst

In five days I'll be 32 years old. How on Earth did this happen? I remember being 21; partying, being creative, writing ALL the time, as if it was yesterday. Now I have a real job that I love and want to continue working my way up in, and things do seem to be going right... but everything is in a state of flux. My job is not secure, I don't have enough time to be creative - whether that's knitting, making my film, writing (don't get me started on how little time I have for that), finishing off all the projects I start. I'm trying very hard to shape my life, but every time I think I've figured something out something happens to throw it all off balance again. I dunno.

I'm happy. But I am also confused. Every year I get a year older and think I should have understood more by now. Does that even make sense? I remember thinking that when I was in my thirties I'd have a lot more sorted: living in a house with a mortgage for one, having a book published by now, possibly being married by now. I have none of those things, not that I'm worse off for not having them, don't get me wrong - but my plans are not going exactly as I planned!

By the time I'm 40 maybe...