Tuesday, 23 December 2008

More important than rainforests

BBC News story

I'm not as angry at him as I thought I would be; I'm not surprised, certainly. Go on Benedict, show the world how irrelevant you are.

The Pope's a cunt.

Monday, 22 December 2008

Review of the Year

What a busy year. Highlights include:

My new job (obviously). I love working for RNIB Cymru, and even though my opinion of it has changed a little since my colleague Ian left, I still love it here (and god knows it's better than working in fucking Blackhorse).

The new skills I've acquired this year: people, project and event management; audio recording and editing; podcasting; felting; delivering presentations to hundreds of people/youth groups; interviewing, recruiting and training over 300 people; getting better on my ukulele.

Falling in love again.

My ideas for THREADS 2009 - Blodeuben and how he was made.

I'm excited about next year - the funding for my job only lasts until 31st of March; now I've always been super apprehensive about taking on temporary jobs, but doing this one has made me realise how much freedom they allow, so I'm not scared of them any more. I'm also looking forward to James and Tarina's wedding in New Zealand (but hellish scared about the flight). Something else I'm looking forward to, is seeing where me and Patrick go from here: our first holiday together, our first camping trip together... soppy things like that.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda

Loads of love

Cariad mawr

Andrew x

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

Another list

Another list that I nicked from John (but he nicked it from somewhere else so that's okay).

1. Magazines subscribed to - Popbitch, i-D, Dazed.
2. Aside from knitting, my favorite pasttimes are - making things: music, writing, toys, jewels, paintings, banquets, love.

3. If I were not a volunteer co-ordinator/writer/artist (insert your own profession), I would be - still stuck in that hellhole of an office working for a multi-national finance house that, although it makes over 8 billion of profit a year, still treats its staff like shit. So glad I left.
4. I am irrationally worried about - everything, constantly. It's my default setting.
5. If I were the opposite sex - I'd be taller because I'd be wearing heels.
6. The thing I miss most about childhood is - the innocence. Life has twisted me into the cynical bitch you see before you, I miss the innocent little boy I used to be.
7. I like to collect - wool, earrings, buttons,
8. Though I’ve never been there, I feel inexplicably homesick for - Japan. Love the mythology, folklore and customs; and how they've permeated everything from computer games to shoe design.
9. I’ve never really liked to eat - sprouts. Bleurgh! The devil's testicles.
10. When I have nightmares, they’re usually about - Being hurt by the ones I love, or the ones I love dying (usually by werewolves or zombies).

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Stop this madness

What a Daily Mail headline I've come up with there! Which kind of leads on nicely to the point: Look at this blog post. Now don't buy any more books from Waterstones. What a cop-out.

I've emailed this:


I am disgusted and appalled at the lack of support you have shown not only Patrick Jones, but also freedom of expression. You sell the books, but then refuse to allow an author the voice with which to talk about them. I am so very disappointed that you caved under pressure from a fundamentalist group; who advocate rioting and destroying public artwork on one hand, and behaving in a 'Christian' manner on the other. You should be ashamed.

I was a huge fan of Waterstones and bought a lot of books there. I will no longer buy anything from any of your stores.

Yours sincerely
Andy Williams

To Gerry Johnson, UK Director of Waterstones. He caved under pressure from Stephen Green (frontman of fundamentalist crazies Christian Voice) and cancelled a poetry reading by fantastic writer Patrick Jones on the 12th of November. So much for free speech.

I am disgusted by the whole thing, and urge you to write to Mr Johnson at the following email address gerry [dot] johnson [at] waterstones [dot] com.

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Y Rhegiadur

Dyma wefan hilariws, rhegi yn Gymraeg: Y Rhegiadur

An amazing website, swearing in Welsh.

Monday, 17 November 2008

I weep for the future

I don't know if they're taking the piss or not.

Seriously hope not though.

Wednesday, 12 November 2008


Man alive! What a radio day today is. This morning I spoke on BBC Radio Cymru on Nia Roberts' show (about volunteering), and I just saw on my Fflwcs last.fm page that Adam Walton played me on BBC Radio Wales last month. Whoop!

Things I'm proud of (this year)

Getting a fantastic job
Getting a poem published
Buying into volunteering
Being good at my job
Learning new stitches
Having a serious relationship
Learning sign language
Not taking myself so seriously
Talking on the radio
Losing weight
More piercings
Starting my new novel
Being crazy in love

Thursday, 6 November 2008

Haicw cwtsh

Gweld y boi heno.
Fe fydd cusanu, chwerthin,
A cwtshes galore.

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

Haicw (ar ôl synnu)

Dal ati Andrew,
Y mae pob un yr un peth.
Dwi wedi synnu.

Lessons I have learned

1. Things will never go to plan
2. Instead of disappointment
3. There should be amazement
4. This time
5. This time
6. Being told lies
7. Sick and tired all the time
8. Sick of sighing
9. Sick of trying
10. Where does love go when love goes?

Friday, 17 October 2008

Podcast 2.0

Second podcast 'Slugs, hiraeth and wolves' out now.

Friday, 10 October 2008

Free mp3s

All Fflwcs tracks are now available for free download.

Click here.

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

Found another cure

Apparently, drinking a fridgeful of cold beer works just as well. Whoop!

Thanks to Simon for going to the shop.


My first attempt at a mash-up. It's not very good, but I had fun making it!
The Ting Tings mixed with Suzanne Vega.

Download FFLWCS - Shut Up And Let Me Go To The Diner.

Monday, 29 September 2008

Found a cure

It's easy: 2 bottles of white wine.

Suggested listening

Advice from Smoochy

Smoochy was right. Today I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired.
Once I get home I will: Eat something, calm down, talk to Simon and maybe have a snooze.

I need a week off everything. Maybe I should learn how to stop time.


Well, if the week starts out this bad, at least it can only get better!

Here's a getting better haiku:

Sun nudges grey clouds,
Splits the sky into light/dark.
Greys are hurrying.

Haicw Ffôn Symudol

Rhestr galwadau
wedi colli, yn aros
yn y ffôn tawel.

Friday, 26 September 2008

Pop the glock

Hooray! My glockenspiel arrived today. We've all had a go in work, making pretty tinkly tunes. I can finally start on my version of I Saw Three Ships now. I might even take it away with my on the weekend - I'm going to Glastonbury with my Mam and Dad. I haven't been away with them or on holiday with them for more than 15 years, this weekend is so random! Looking forward to starting my Christmas shopping though - told you I was prepared this year.

Monday, 15 September 2008

Christmas EP 2008

I'm making another Christmas EP again this year and I'm so ahead of schedule! Out of the six songs I'm planning on doing, I've completed three of them and nearly finished the fourth.

The provisional tracklisting is:

1. God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen (Traditional)
2. Mi Welais Tair Llong (Traditional - translated by AC Williams) (English: I Saw Three Ships)
3. Plastic Christmas Wonderland (Bert Kaempfert)
4. Dear Santa (AC Williams)
5. Plastic Winter (Gustav Holst)
6. Auld Lang Syne (Traditional)

Working title is 'Nadolig/Plastig' (which means 'Plastic/Christmas'). Fun fact: I play ukulele on one track.

Edited 15/09/08: Not sure if I'm going to use God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen now. The way I had done it was too similar to the 'plastic' songs. Maybe I will just make it more plastic and be done with it!

Saturday, 13 September 2008

I ♥ Spore

OMG I totally love this game. I have spent about 5 hours designing a cute dinosaur monster. I've forgotten to eat and everything. Hollol anhygoel. Dwi'n dwli ar y gêm yma.

Friday, 12 September 2008


I'm very excited, Spore arrived yesterday. I'm too hungover to play it tonight (and I have loads to do for work), so tomorrow I forsee I will be spending the entire day glued to my computer screen... whoop!

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

New meme

A meme from my friend JohnK. I love these!

The ones I have done are in bold. I have changed a few as they were American, I've made them Welsh!

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it
09. Hugged a tree

10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's nappy

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight

28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Scored a try
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment

39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 22 counties in Wales
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country

44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach

50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football

61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theatre
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played Nintendo for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favourite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Severn Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery

120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school

131. Para-sailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ

148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

Monday, 8 September 2008

Podcast 1.0

How to Make an Egg

Just a test, but I'm quite pleased with the quality of the recording.

Thursday, 4 September 2008


I’m watching you asleep.
Waiting for you to turn over and breathe,
arms over your perfect head.
You’re sleeping unashamedly,
innocently and with abandon.
Your legs are draped over me
and your hand has now found mine,
is gripping me tightly -
I’m glad you trust me to guard your sleep.
My stomach hurts with the desire
to ensure you’re safe and content.

Friday, 29 August 2008


busy twiddling ideas
moulding and pressing them
into and around the tiny cracks and crevices
of a beehive cerebellum
soft, melted thoughts
oozing with sticky potential
glistening with dewy possibility

Tuesday, 26 August 2008


I've been wanting to write about a place similar to where I grew up - as a nod to Dylan Thomas' Under Milk Wood, and to expand on ideas I had about Antiville - but I wanted to come up with a place name as fantastic as Llareggub. So I spent ages coming up with a name: Llameddcyff. if you read it backwards (in a Welsh accent), it serves the purpose beautifully.

Friday, 22 August 2008

Oh, is it love?

I love this song by HelloGoodbye. Listen to it here.

Oh, it is love
From the first time I set my eyes upon yours
Thinking oh, is it love?

Oh, dear
It's been hardly a moment
And you are already missed
There is still a bit of your skin
That I've yet to have kissed
Oh say, please do not go
When you know, oh you know that I must
Oh say, I love you so
You know you, oh know you can trust
We'll be holding hands once again
All our broken plans I will mend
I will hold you tight so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my hand into yours
Thinking oh, is it love?

Oh dear, it's been hardly three days
And I'm longing to feel your embrace
There are several days
Until I can see your sweet face
Oh say, wouldn't you like to be older and married with me?
Oh say, wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be
Someday holding hands in the end
All our broken plans will have been
I will kiss you soft so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking oh, is it love?

Oh, your heart may long for love that is more near
So when I'm gone these words will be here
To ease every fear
And dry up every tear
And make it very clear
I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking oh, is it love?

Oh it is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking oh, is it love?

Oh I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking oh, is it love?

Wednesday, 13 August 2008


I've just pulled a muscle in my neck. Ouch! I'm in agony.

In my head today

I have a song in my head today, and it won't go away. Luckily it is fabulous!

ELO - Xanadu.

Go and listen. It'll make your day better. Fact.

Monday, 28 July 2008


I'm not coping with this hot weather, and I'm not liking being in work when I could be sunbathing. My boy's stuck in a kiosk cooking food for hungry revellers today, poor lamb.
At least all my washing is done, so I can go home and sit out in my garden without a care in the world. Bliss.

Cut-up Cymraeg

Mae angen cysgu pedwar hynny.
Methu aros tan Fehefin, ar ôl gwaith.
Fuck, dwi gwaith.
Mae hyn yn ofnadwy, na na. Ugain menthol, weld e eto, a wedi cael neges tecst, nawr, dwi bant fory lasagne. I ti a fi. Dwi fethu aros tan dwi'n gweld e heno a Dydd Mercher gyda dwi ddim mewn cariad, waith cyn i mi methu aros tan haf.
Dwi fili gweld e heno dwi mewn cariad.


My first go at a Welsh one. Goddamn I LOVE cut-ups.

Friday, 25 July 2008


Dwi'n cael amser caled heddiw. Mae rhaid i mi fod yn waith tan bedwar o'r gloch, ond mae fe'n aros yn fy nhŷ i fi ddod adre.
Cawsom amser braf neithiwr, ac mi wnes i bryd o fwyd blydi grêt hefyd - hwyaden gyda thatws 'Hasselback' a saws ceirios.
Pedwar awr cyn i mi weld e eto...

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

One More Sleep

One more sleep
til I see him again,
three sleeps together
and back to being apart.
Six sleeps then
til I see him again,
but I’m meeting his friends
and that’s as far as we’ve got.

Lllwnc destun (newydd spon)

Dwi wedi cael digon o hunan sensoriaeth erbyn hyn, felly o hyn ymlaen dwi ddim yn mynd i wneud hynny o gwbl.
Dyma lwnc destun newydd te, i ddathlu dechrau perthynas newydd, ac i'r gobaith fy mod yn mynd i ddysgu rhywbeth newydd tro hyn.

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Gone Shopping (back in 5 mins)

"Good Morning customers and welcome to your local supermarket.
On aisle two in our reductions cabinet today,
we have on offer - Sonnets now reduced to half price. Thank you."
Aisle one offers a selection of refrigerated adjectives
vacuum-packed in clear plastic, date coded for years to come.
Opposite is the fresh counter, where you can buy the spoken word
in kilograms (they've just gone metric,
Imperial was far too confusing for the younger folk).
"Staff announcement: John Milton to 'Epic' dept. please."
Next to the counters is the bakery. Steaming hot speeches;
packs of four quotes; French epitaphs; Italian quatrains,
you can buy them all at next to nothing prices.
"Staff announcement: In-store Laureate to 'On' section please.
All along the back wall (crammed next to the Christmas goods –
lovely rhyming couplets for Gran, a limerick or two for Dad, and a few top twenty
songwords for big Sis), foil-sealed (for freshness) and stored
in gaudy coloured cardboard boxes, are the everyday words.
The nouns, syllables and parables can all be found here
bearing a logo or a tradename. Some even have free gifts:
pocket dictionaries, or extra pronouns if you're lucky.
"Staff Announcement: Sheenagh Pugh to Customer Service desk please."
Take a look in the frozen section. Ancient dialects, dead languages and even sign
are all there, stamped with a barcode and thawing instructions.
Promotion ends topple with the weight of stacked tins of punctuation marks;
each recyclable steel can brimming with commas and asterixes and semi-colons.
"Good Morning customers and welcome to your local supermarket.
At the front of the store today we have on offer:
Buy one Vowel and get the second absolutely free! That's at the front
of the store today. Thank you."
Cuneiform signs hang over every aisle, and people singing englynion is pumped
through vocoders and out into the shop-floor. No time to stop and look
at the spirants and neatly wrapped onomatopoeia.
"Staff announcement: Andrew Craig Williams to 'Bullshit' dept. please."


It’s too early in the morning for thoughts
of clocks, or where I should be at this dim
hour; busy dozing under the big bloodshot
moon with a quilt of stars to ease my chill.
My pulsing breath escapes me gratefully,
hides my head in a haze of slow vapour.
I’m disguised outside, pretending to be
something else: a tree, or stone on the floor.
The earth I huddle on will revolve soon,
turn itself to the light and start again.
Shortly the day will begin with kitchen
sounds and cars and high voices, lights switched on.
I’m not ready to join them, clustering;
I’ll wait here a while longer, lingering.


I chose mostly half rhymes, because I wanted to emphasis the understated tone of the poem – I wanted to write something colourless, using only black and white. I think the sonnet is mostly about not wanting to participate in modern life and ways to achieve that.
I used iambic pentameter to show the routine of norm al life, kitchens and clocks etc. but the lines do stray from that when the poem mentions the moon, the ultimate clock for the natural world into which the voice hides.
The lines run over into each other because the poem is about a morning unfolding, the earth revolving and time moving on – I found that by not ending a line at the usual ‘end of the line’, it helped to create that feeling of movement.

His Mother

I remember the day he painted the door,
took four hours and only two drips.
He left little notes under the bread bin
to remind me to do something or other,
not sure he wasn’t reminding himself.
Never got on with Uncle Twm, a clash
there, his Nan used to say.
When did he get that exercise bike?
I forget now but it was two years in the box
before it went to the car boot.
To think he doesn’t even like chips.

Monday, 21 July 2008

Chloe dreaming

It’s quite early morning, but the birds have been shouting about it for hours. Enough time has passed to make the night revolve away, which has allowed a knife made entirely of golden light to creep slowly across the carpet, tickling along over the assorted teddy bears, knitted toys and books that are littering the floor. Before the knife has a chance to get to the small girl tucked up in her bed, head back, mouth open, snoring like a tiny steam train; the door opens and her mother walks in. She crosses the muddle of toys and opens the curtains; the knife becomes a river and floods the room with warm, morning light and Chloe begins to wake up.
“Chloe sweetheart, time to get up.” Says her mother, Jules, gently shaking her.
“Wassat?” Exclaims Chloe drowsily, sleep blurring her voice and pinning her down into the soft warmth. She opens her eyes and screws her mouth into an expression of distaste. “I’m havin’ a lovely dream, wotchoo wakin’ me for?”
Jules strokes hair from her daughter’s face, she has a curl that insists on invading the tiny cheek, and gets tangled in her long eyelashes. She looks so much like her father. “Mam, what your eyes all red for?” She demands, sitting up now.
“Nothing, sweetheart. Mam’s just tired that’s all.” Jules’ eyes fill slightly and she grabs hold of little Chloe and pulls her into a fierce hug. “Mammy loves you.” Then, as if pulling herself together, she asks, “So, were did you go last night?”
“Aw Mam! I went to loads of places last night, which ones do you want me to tell you about?”
“All of them, of course. It’s only Saturday, we only have to go to the shops later to get tea in, we’ve got all morning. Start at the start for me.”
“Cool!” Exclaims Chloe happily, and snuggles deeper down into the nest that her quilt has become. Her story starts right after Mammy had put her to bed at eight, Chloe’s dreams last all night and long into the morning. Sometimes they stay even after she wakes up. Sometimes they even follow her into school. She checks her school bag every morning before getting into the car, and before the Summer when Daddy was still here, she used to get him to check too. Goblins hiding in her bag wouldn’t be scared off if she looked at them, but Daddy was so big he was able to scare them away. That’s what she told him. Last night’s adventure was a grand old time, it started on a ship, a golden ship made from frozen sunbeams which were carved by giants with red beards who lived by the sea. Chloe had been scared of them at first, but she soon discovered that they were very friendly indeed.
One of them was called Brian Jenkins, and it was he who told her where to find a magical key that would unlock any lock in the world. This was great news to the tiny girl (who in her dreams wore a red cape like Superman, a crown like the Queen and ruby slippers that were sometimes blue because Chloe liked blue sometimes much more than red) as a few dreams ago she had found a chest like a pirate’s chest but she couldn’t open it. A witch called Griselda had put a spell on the lock so that nobody could lock it. Chloe was desperate to open this chest because,
“It must av ‘ad a brilliant thing in it, because nobody would put a spell on a chest with something boring in it. Isn’t that right Mam?”
“Makes perfect sense to me, love. What happened then?”
Armed with the magical key, which had a large sapphire set into it, Chloe went back to where she had hidden the chest and quickly turned the sparkling key in the lock. Inside were a pair of wings that enabled the wearer to really fly, and a tiny bottle of magic potion. Two drops on the top of your head made your hair grow four feet long, so you could have a haircut and if you didn’t like it you could grow it back in a second.
Chloe was delighted with these finds, and popped hem both into her spoils bag, a purple bag that she could carry over her shoulder, with two buttons and a zip that made it look like a face. Chloe had been so happy when she found the bag in her dreamland, that she had begged her mother to make the bag for hr in real life. It now hung on the back of her bedroom door, and contained a Brothers Grimm book, a photograph of a cloud (which was the first photograph Chloe had ever taken and even though she had been aiming for Daddy’s face the cloud that had appeared when the film came back was still pretty amazing), a drawing book and a packet of Crayola with no red.
Chloe’s dream then became quite scary, she had slipped the wings over her shoulders and was flapping about near a tall tree that had thousands of glittering butterflies dancing over it, when suddenly the sky turned dark and there was a screeching noise. She looked up and saw three demons flying towards her, two were holding knitting needles and one had a pair of scissors.
“And then I really did get scared ‘cos the scissors were really big. I called for you and Daddy but only you came see Mam. I don’t think Daddy can fly from where he is.” Jules pulls her daughter in for another big hug. Some days it gets so bad that she locks the doors and unplugs the phone, and the only person she can stand to see is Chloe. Chloe likes those days, she knows. They play hide and seek or make cakes; painted a mural once on the landing wall, all rainbows and exotic birds.
“You’re so brave, sweetheart. Help Mam be brave too, will you?” Asks Jules, pulling her close again.

This morning is made of rain and clouds; the dark grey sky has seeped into the house through the windows and dulled all the colours. Jules makes herself a quick cup of tea before going up to wake Chloe and find out where she has been. She smiles at the thought, nearly every morning for the last six years, one of them has gone up to ‘find out where Chloe has been’, it is as much a routine as washing the dishes or feeding the cats. Jules will have to do it alone from now on though. She breathes deeply, drains the last of her tea, and bounds up the stairs to wake her daughter.
In the messy bedroom, Chloe has adopted her usual sleeping position: a tangle of sheets and limbs, punctuated by snoring and lip smacking. Jules edges into the bed and curls around the warmth of her kitten-sized daughter. Chloe wakes up to her mother kissing her little ear, and when she starts to giggle they tickle each other until both are crying with laughter, tears like the rain outside only not grey, they are rainbow stained and filled with happy molecules.
Once they finish laughing, Jules asks,
“So where did you go last night, sweetheart?”
“Aw Mam! It was even better last night than ever before.”
“Go on then, start from the start.”
Brian Jenkins and his best friend Adrian played snap with Chloe for a while, but Adrian was too good and he won every game except one, and that was disqualified because Brian’s pet turtle ate one of the cards. Chloe then decided to go for a little wander down to the pink river that was full of cherryade, to see if she could find a hippo. Brian told her there were no hippos in the river but that he had been given a message to take her somewhere.
Up in the clouds was a door, Brian said, and Chloe had to go there. So he lifted her up onto his shoulder and pressed a button for the elevator, they climbed in and went zooming up into the sky. After a while, sure enough they came to a door made out of different coloured sky.
“And Mam you wouldn’t believe who was behind it!” Exclaims Chloe.
“Who? Tell me.” Asks her mother.
“It was Daddy, only he was well.” Jules breaks down; she’s been expecting this for a while. She has no idea how to explain.
“Aw Mam! He told me to tell you I saw him, and he said you would cry and he said I had to look after you. He said he liked my wings too.”
“He always said you had wings, babe.”

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

He Paints With Glamorous Glue

He knows I'd love to see him (as close as is allowed).
My name still conjures - they actually know me, they said: "You're just another views, you're just another who has maddening views
you want to said: "I know I do."
Skinny little thing, eyes and kiss him, bite into his skin.
Can’t wait until unwrapped, he looks like him, true, a tiny version wrapped in feed him and fuck him.
I’m trying not to get, I have lived in the arse of the world...
He happy (or as close as possible, as close as possible), deadly deeds, and a bad taste in the mouth.
The police person in the world “you're just another fool with radical turn it on its head by staying in bed!"
I drown in, and dripping with sin.
I want to kiss him Wednesday, I want in.
Supplies have been bought, and tubes in my duvet and my arms.
I’ll cook him food, too excited, this time.

Wednesday, 9 July 2008


I love this picture of me, I think I was about 24:

Citalopram has no hormone

Most Selective Serotonin Reuptake of pressure inside me, scrub the scram and swipe giggles.

I’ve lost me like a hot shape of rapid eye movement it potentiates the anti-nociceptive effect of teeth. Gouging and tearing the picked at the bits that spit, and they ricochet. My head mutate and reproduce, hundred by hundred. Like my poor nails.

However, the selectivity contribute impair performance and minimal sedative properties, single influence on cardiovascular parameters. the serotonin (5-HT)-uptake. Tolerance to and gamma aminobutyric acid gore golden behind. Softer eyelashes the map pressed against of his teeth, and beneath.

Suppression and MAO inhibitors, citalopram of citalopram.

I’ve had saws, or the soft, easily bled skin incisors, I’ve been worrying those out though. I’ve tried every method. They teeth in my brain, constantly chewing main metabolites of citalopram ratios metabolites do not has combination not or dose study in significant treatment with citalopram.

Citalopram is the newer SSRIs, meticulous fingernails at my cheek, his blinking causing key against wet clay.
I remember the (REM) sleep is other SSRI's of commonly following administration instead ends of my edges left, I’ve won’t come rip, and I can’t around me, taunt me, to stop me from seeing.

Then, lower than those of citalopram. Cognitive (intellectual function) and psychomotor either alone or in a potent inhibitor of on noradrenaline (NA), dopamine (DA) from my inside and leave something of his body, but feel it smile at the memory that lingers suppresses REM-sleep and opioid receptors chisels.

These last few weeks, nails, exposing underneath. With the rough away. Using my bits, until they spit those pictures fuss . I wish I had the end there’d be nothing.

The end of the newer SSRIs. The end with alcohol.

In humans citalopram does human volunteers.

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

The Passenger

I am the passenger
And I ride and I ride
I ride through the city’s backside
I see the stars come out of the sky
Yeah, they’re bright in a hollow sky
You know it looks so good tonight
I am the passenger
I stay under glass
I look through my window so bright
I see the stars come out tonight
I see the bright and hollow sky
Over the city’s a rip in the sky
And everything looks good tonight...


I’ve been off work ill today. I survived by not eating anything, and managed to lose 5 pounds in the process – so it’s not all bad.
Anyway, I was planning an outfit (in my head) of what to wear on Friday, and I suddenly thought: I can’t WAIT until Friday. Oh my goodness, I’m totally living for the weekend again. I’ve not been this excited to go out all the time since I was a teenager. It’s great. I’ve got a cool bunch of friends who are happy to go out and get wasted every weekend, and who I love spending time with. They all give good copy too (step forward James and Nina)!
After being temporarily heartbroken last weekend (I’ve mended since then), my plan for this weekend is to pull a 19 year old to see if I can, heh heh.
Suggested listening:

Monday, 7 July 2008


As part of my fierce advertising campaign (advertising Andrew Craig Williams as a writer), I will be releasing a novella this autumn (or as soon as I've finished writing it anyway, I'm having terrible trouble with the ending - I'm not sure whether to make a happy ending or a horrible ending like real fairytales have). Releasing for free like you’d release an EP, with a launch party and everything. It’s called The Gingerbread Man, and it’s a gay re-imagining of the familiar fairytale. I was inspired not only by my love of fairytales, but by a short story written by Poppy Z. Brite in her collection of short stories Self-Made Man. Her story King of Cats (written with David Ferguson) is a gay version of a favourite fairytale of theirs – The Miller’s Son.

With this in mind, I rewrote The Gingerbread Man. Here is an extract:

Christian hardly noticed the dressing boys running after him like headless chickens, trying to get him to wear clothes they had chosen, each one vying for the Prince’s attention. For the first time, he actually stopped and looked at them; they were no different from him at that age, when he first started noticing Carl. For the first time Christian allowed himself the pleasure of having five young men at hand to do his bidding, he was sure they would do anything he wanted of them. He asked one of the boys to go to the kitchen to fetch him some tea, while he lay back on his day bed considering the possibilities. His mind wandered more than his eyes, as he gazed over at one particularly handsome boy named William. William glanced up and caught the Prince looking at him; he flushed red and dropped the tunics he was carrying. Christian sprang to his feet to help the young boy, who immediately dropped the tunics he had already gathered.
“Let me help you, William.” said Christian kindly.
“No need, sir,” he stammered in reply, “’t was my own fault.” Christian’s hand brushed William’s forearm as they both bent to pick up the remaining tunics. The dressing boy shuddered at the Prince’s touch, and looked fearfully into his dark eyes. Christian felt a sudden sickness at how he was behaving; he was no better than Carl - treating another person as a plaything for his own amusement. He took a deep breath and smiled warmly at William, who seemed to relax, and smiled back shyly at him.
“Thank you.” said the Prince sincerely - sure that William did not really know what he was thanking him for, and swept away a stray lock of curly blonde hair that had fallen into the boys’ eye, curling his fingers behind Williams’ ear. The boy Christian had sent to fetch tea returned laden with a tray of tea and hot water, and a delicate porcelain teacup and saucer.
“Right then!” he shouted, “Let’s get ready to go to the ball. You will all be my guests.” Christian smiled openly at the hubbub that broke out with his statement, and William dropped his tunics all over again.
“William,” he began, smiling again at how embarrassed the boy became when he spoke directly to him, “what is the time, my good man?”
“Um, nearly two of the clock, sir.” managed William quietly.
“Excellent!” exclaimed the Prince, “that means we have time for some tea, and I would like to talk to you.” The boys looked around at each other at a loss for words, each one staring at his companions as if for inspiration. Christian went to a cupboard set against the far wall, and drew out a green and gold tea set. “Come, I will serve tea myself,” said Christian, ignoring the protests of his servants, “Jack, Owen,” began the Prince, “I am in a wicked mood, lock the doors for me.”
“But, sir…” began Owen fearfully, “what if they come looking for us?”
“Then they shall have me to answer to. I ask that the doors be locked, and locked they shall be.” he laughed. Owen and Jack moved to the doors but stopped short when they heard a messenger stride purposefully up the corridor. Christian bounded over and turned the large, ornate key with a flourish - then held his finger to his lips and whispered,
“A silver piece to he who can keep the most silent.” the boys giggled at his request, but the Prince’s wicked mood was strangely infectious.
The door handles turned once, twice, then a stately knocking burst forth. William was bent double with silent laughter, and all the occupants of the lavish room had large grins on their faces. A voice called,
“Prince Christian?” then more urgently, “Prince Christian, are you there? Your father desires to speak with you.” a few seconds of silence, then they heard the footsteps fall away out of hearing. The room fairly exploded with giggles, and Christian was delighted. He let out a great huff of air, and sat down to make the tea.
Christian had always been told never to speak to the servants unless he needed assistance, or had a message to be sent to another part of the castle. Speaking with these boys was refreshing and interesting, a pastime he wished he had discovered a long time ago. He learned of Owen’s fear of swimming, and how his mother had tried to teach him to swim in the lake away to the North of the castle; how Jack had kissed Miriam the milkmaid twice in the orchard, and was hoping to make it a third tonight. He was told how Caleb loved nothing more than a handful of coloured chalk, and an empty wall as a canvas; how Dan could sing like a bird and held concerts every Friday in the servant’s quarters. He was thrilled to hear all of this, but saddened that William did not join in.
“William,” asked the Prince, turning towards the reddening boy, “you have not told us a tale yet.”
“I don’t think I’d like to, sir.” he stuttered, furrowing his eyebrows at the jeers from his friends.
“But William, if you are to be a dinner guest of mine, I should at least know something about you. How old are you?”
“Sixteen, sir.” he said, raising his eyebrows slightly.
“Wil, that’s a lie,” hissed Jack; William’s face glowed even harder. “He’s my cousin, sir, and he’s fourteen.”
“Please don’t be angry, sir. I has to work, I has to.” began William pleadingly.
“William, your secret is safe with me,” said the Prince, to Williams’ obvious relief. He leaned into Williams’ ear and said, “all of them.” The boy’s face fell, but Christian winked hugely at him, and he smiled limply.
Barely an hour had passed before the boys got agitated and worried that they would receive tellings off, so Christian allowed them to finish their work before they got ready to come to the ball with him.
“It will be a sport, I shall introduce you as a troop of artistes.”
“But sir, what will we wear? These clothes are not fit for a ball, sir.” began Caleb.
“Caleb, my dear boy, I have a wardrobe full to bursting with fine clothes. You are not that much smaller then me. Let’s go and try them on.” the Prince looped his arm into Caleb’s and dragged him to the wardrobe. He flung the doors wide and heard the boys gasp at the variety of colours and fabrics inside, “Help yourselves, lads, and you may keep whatever you choose, Mother always buys too many garments.” at a look of shock on their faces, he continued, “As a thank you, for this afternoon, I have enjoyed your company and wish you all well. Come, let’s make haste so we may enjoy the ball tonight.”
The boys fairly attacked the pretty silks and velvets, each new tunic or shirt made them coo in awe. After much frantic scrabbling, the boys all had their outfits ready. Jack in a pale green suit, Caleb in a wine coloured robe and breeches, Dan in the most royal blue garb they could find, Owen had chosen plush orange attire with a red cape and boots, William stood quietly with his black suit over his shoulder. Christian smiled at them and hurried them out of the rooms back to get ready for the coming festivities.

Wig in a Box

I can't get this song out of my head; and it makes me feel better to boot. Win-win situation!

"I put on some make-up
turn up the eight-track
I'm pulling the wig down from the shelf
Suddenly I'm this punk rock star
of stage and screen
and I ain't never
I'm never turning back"

Sunday, 6 July 2008

Hysterical anagram site

I just asked this site a question, and the answer was:

"Boyishly maimed weekly idiot."

I laughed so hard I think a bit of wee came out!

The question was to do with pulling boys (blush).


James just said...

...bro's before ho's.

What a gent.

Hobart Paving

And baby, (don't forget to catch me.)
Don't forget to catch me, (don't forget to catch me)
Don't forget to catch me, (don't forget to catch me)
Don't forget to catch me. (don't forget to catch me)
Oh no, no sugar tonight, (don't forget to catch me)
Oh no, no sugar tonight, (don't forget to catch me)
No no, no sugar tonight, (don't forget to catch me)
Don't forget to catch me...

Lonnie (cut up)

Eyes staring not caring
smoking in it's time to smile again. It’s happening all over again,
could be happening, cigarettes and fast food.
Taxi not from the other.
It's happening all over again.
Blue the rain, paid for again.
Thanks, I'm listening.
You said, believe me,
but leave me over again,
but it's home from home.


I’m watching the clouds moving;
reflected in the open windows of the house across the road,
TV screens showing white noise.
A window opens and scatters the cotton wool
revealing blue like the colour of his eyes.

Boy Anagram (update)

Velvety, gladsome weirdo detracts.

(The truth in anagrams is a bit scary).

Thursday, 3 July 2008

Boy anagram

A Cad Remodelled Gritty Vows

Wednesday, 2 July 2008

Dacw Mam yn dwad

My Mamgu used to sing this to me when I was a dwt, and because we have always called her 'Mam', I thought the song was about her coming over the stile on Garnswllt mountain where her and my Datcu used to live on a farm called Graig Fawr. Even my nephews (aged 12 and 14) call her 'Mam Graig Fawr' - the other one is called 'Mam Llanelli' for obvious reasons, or 'Bonkers Mam'. Also obvious.

Dacw Mam yn dwad ar ben y gamfa wen
Rhywbeth yn ei ffedog a phiser ar ei phen
Y fuwch yn y beudy yn brefu am y llo
A’r llo’r ochr arall yn chwarae jim cro
Jim cro crystyn one two four
A’r mochyn bach yn eistedd mor ddel ar y stôl

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Ethan Hawke makes me tingle

I used to have a huge crush on skinny little Ethan, and on the husband list he's defo in the top ten. I flicked through the tv channels earlier tonight and watched ten minutes of Gattaca, and I remembered someone I'd not thought about for a long time.
When I was in sixth form, there was a boy a year or two younger than me who bore a striking resemblance to Ethan Hawke, and I had a bit of a crush on him. My friend Nerys pulled him one night, and I was gutted (blush).

So anyway, I remembered his name earlier when Gattaca was on, so I facebooked him... Man Alive! He's still really beautiful, and now married and has two kids. But not with Nerys.

Hello world

My optimism has come back, all thanks to a haircut and a clean shave. I've even started playing my ukulele every day again. There's something about playing old Leadbelly songs on uke that can't help but plaster a big smile across my chops.
All together now... tell me where did you sleep last night?

Character questionnaire

I found this questionnaire online, to help you get to know the characters you write about. I’ve answered this one for my favourite character Geraint.

• What is your character’s name? Does the character have a nickname?
His name is Geraint Hopkins. Lots of people just call him ‘Hopkins’, or ‘Hoppers’.

• What is your character’s hair colour? Eye colour?
Brown hair and brown eyes.

• What kind of distinguishing facial features does your character have?
His nose is quite big.

• Does your character have a birthmark? Where is it? What about scars? How did he get them?
Her has a hernia scar, and has cut scars on his wrist.

• Who are your character’s friends and family? Who does he surround himself with? Who are the people your character is closest to? Who does he wish he were closest to?
His two best friends are Nathalie and Rosie, but Rosie has moved to Australia. He doesn’t really get on with his parents, who are separated. But he is quite close to his older brother who lives away with his wife and kids.

• Where was your character born? Where has he lived since then? Where does he call home?
He is from Llanelli originally, but now lives in Cardiff.

• Where does your character go when he’s angry?
Shouts. He is very loud.

• What is his biggest fear? Who has he told this to? Who would he never tell this to? Why?
Dying alone. His best friends know this but that’s all. He should never tell this to his boyfriends as when he does they always leave him.

• Does he have a secret?
He fancies a straight boy named Emyr that he went to school with!

• What makes your character laugh out loud?
Talking rubbish with his mates, they are like his family and he needs them to survive. Possible the relationship he has with them is too cloying. His friend Nathalie moved to Cardiff to be with him.

• When has your character been in love? Had a broken heart?
He has been in love only once, but had his heart broken many times.

Monday, 23 June 2008


One of those questions things I stole from napkinplease.blogspot.com

Accent: Gay Carmarthenshire

Breakfast or no breakfast: Always banana and yoghurt

Chore I don't care for: Cleaning the bathroom

Dog or cat: Dog

Essential electronics: Computer, mobile phone

Favourite cologne: At the moment Tesco’s Ginger, Vanilla and Pink Pepper

Gold or silver: Silver, I’m too cheap for gold

Handbag I carry most often: My manbag with a Vespa on it that Katie and Lee bought me

Insomnia: All too often

Job Title: Volunteering Officer

Kids: I have 2 nephews and a niece, I’ve learned to not think about having any of my own

Living arrangements: Sharing a house with best mate Simon – he is my straight husband

Most admirable trait: Honesty (to the point of rudeness)

Naughtiest childhood behaviour: I was a good boy

Overnight hospital stay: Hernia when I was three

Phobias: Spiders, being lost at sea

Quote: “Suck my fat one” – Nina Philipps

Reason to smile: Austin Powers

Siblings: One older sister

Time I wake up: Ten past seven, then press snooze until 8

Unusual skill or talent: I can tie a cherry stalk into a knot using just my tongue

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Celery, yuck

Worst habit: Being a stupid ass

X-rays: I’ve had my neck done when I had whiplash

Yummy stuff: Boiled eggs, at the moment

Zoo animal I like most: Don’t like them in zoos, I like them out in the wild

Sunday, 22 June 2008

Birthday blues

I remembered why birthdays suck after all.

Never mind, homemade pizza and old movies will fix things.

Thursday, 19 June 2008

Good news

I've just been told that my contract has been extended until October.

Seems I was right to be feeling all that optimism.

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

My 31st Birthday

Is rapidly approaching, and I'm feeling strangely optimistic. I was horrified to turn 30, and I thought I'd be the same this time but I'm not. My Mam always tells me that she loved her 30s, and I'm finding that to be the case too.
I've got loads of projects that I'm working on: setting up my theatre company and applying for funding; releasing my free novella, and organising the event to launch it; trying to find new funding streams so I can carry on working at RNIB Cymru; launching the expansion of my Millennium Volunteers project in Carmarthenshire... lots of things to keep me going.

Birthdays do seem to mean less the older you get, and I'm treating this one as a chance to get loads of mates together, have a drink, then go out dancing. See? I've got my priorities right.

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Meeting Jenny

I'm working late at the moment, we have two Lib Dem MPs coming in to see our Accessible Learning and Information Centre and I'm giving them a demonstration of our studios. We're plying them with cakes and tea and I'm going to try and get some transcription work out of them: mainly by schmoozing!
Wish me luck.

I'll do anything for volunteering!

Tuesday, 27 May 2008

My Favourite Things

Boys in pink jumpers and digital pictures
Free drinks at launches and cheap cocktail pitchers
Hadouken! and Kate Nash and The Ting Tings
These are a few of my favourite things

Dancing in nightclubs with stamps on my arm
Shag bands and bracelets and glitter lip balm
Falling in love and ten minute flings
These are a few of my favourite things

Pulling and snogging and going on dates
Ordering wine and getting shit-faced
Eyeliner, hair wax and gay angel wings
These are a few of my favourite things

When the love bites, and the cut stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don't feel so bad

Thursday, 22 May 2008

End of an era

Today, me and the ex-boyfriend finally closed our joint account. 9 months after we split up.
It was totally amicable, but today was super weird.

Well, it's a new dawn, it's a new day.

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Lovely Nina Pin-up Girl

In the pub last night Nina said the loveliest thing. We were talking about a bloke who everyone thinks is hot (including me) and she said she really couldn't see it, she thought I was hot and if I was straight she'd fancy me. Aww, Nina is really good for my self esteem, and if I was straight we would make a hot couple, as this picture illustrates:

I really have to get Jacqui and Nina together, I think they would make an AMAZING double act!

Friday, 9 May 2008

Last nite

The Grand Adventures of Nina & Andy - Part III

The usual Thursday night wasabi nuts in 33... you know how it goes, we met Jonny and Julian and some lovely people who like to shoot deer and eat game. Yum. Then on the way to my house (quick stop to change clothes) Nina gets attacked on the road. We were egged! Some dirty chavs in a driveby egging, driving some shit car down Sanquar Street. Cunts.

My house, eating cold chicken, taxi to Canton... brandy and coke, then I made Nina's lunch and played with the cat then back into town for gays and cocktails.

I never need to go back to Exit bar, like James says: Exit is deader than corduroy these days.

So that's it, Part III and we all survived. Saw Nina's belly today (where the egg struck), there's a red mark.

Take heed, egg bastards, we'll get you. We always get you in the end.

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Another bloody questionnaire

1. What is your middle name? Craig
2. How big is your bed? Double
3. What are you listening to right now? The cars swooshing past my window in work
4. What are the last 4 digits in your mobile phone number? 8117
5. What was the last thing you ate? A sugar free mint
6. Last person you hugged? Simon
7. How is the weather right now? Gloriously sunny
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Nina
9. The first thing you notice about the sex (that you fancy)? Face
10. Favourite type of Food? French, Italian, game, seafood, tapas, cake
11. Do you want children? Yes, I'd love to have kids
12. Hair colour?
Dark brown
13. Do you wear contacts? Nope, 20/20
14. Favourite holiday? Prague
15. Favourite Season? Autumn
16. Have you ever cried over a love lost? Oh constantly
17. Last movie you watched? Aliens
18. What books are you reading? Watership Down by Richard Adams, Toby's Lie by Daniel Vilmure, and Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling (again)
19. Piercings? Yep, 12. Ears (6) lip (2), tongue, nips (2) and belly button
20. Favourite Movie? I can't say Star Wars, that's cheating, so I will say Pan's Labyrinth
21. Favourite football team? Favourite what?
22. What were you doing before filling this out? Trying to recruit volunteers in Amman Valley School
25. Favourite animal? Dogs, wolves, frogs, unicorns, dragons, lolcats
26. Favourite drink? Pop
27. Favourite flower?
28. Have you ever loved someone? Of course
29. Who would you like to see right now? Seriously? A beer garden. With a certain someone waiting in it with a cold beer for me!
30. What colour are your bedroom walls? Bloody magnolia
31. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes
32. Do you like to travel by plane? Nah
33. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right
34. If you could go to anywhere right now where would you go? See question 29
35. Are you missing someone? Kind of, it's complicated
36. Do you have a tattoo?
Yeah loads
37. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings? I never stopped!
38. Are you hiding something from someone right now? Nope, I am secret free
39. Are you 18? In my head, I'm only 15
40. What is the wallpaper on your mobile phone?
An old fashioned clock, with hands
41. Are you afraid of the dark? Yes, sometimes

42. Favourite hangout? Bar 33
43. 3 things you can't live without? Creating things, music, friends, cake, er, that's 4 I know!
44. Favourite songs? The Hidden Cameras - Hump From Bending, Bearsuit - Shhh Get Out, Suede - Where The Pigs Don't Fly.
45. What are you afraid of? Zombies, spiders, the dark, being alone, the sea... the list is endless
46. Are you a giver or a taker? How rude! Lol. I give of myself too much I think
47. What are your nicknames? Andy, Sandshoe, Fflwcs
48. What is your dad's middle name? Wyn
49. What do you sleep in? Jamas when it's cold, pants when it's not
50. Stuck on a deserted island, and can only bring one thing? Sewing machine, I'd make clothes out of the leaves
51. Favourite TV commercial? The one for a car where the man slams the door in time to the music
52. First thing you'll save in a fire? My computer, then keyboard, ukulele and 303
53. What is your favourite colour? Blue
54. What are the things you always bring with you? Lipsalve, mp3 player, phone, paper and pens, banana, diary
55. What did you want to be when you were a kid? A chef
56. What do you usually do when the alarm turns on? Press snooze
57. What colour is your bedsheet? Navy
58. Who do you want to meet? Prince Charming
59. What do you think about before you go to bed? See question 45

A 21st Century Galatea for gay boys

A tell-tale sign of movement. Black plastic. He marble statue in this dream, bottle of opulent; surfaces, all showing me the story of secret crush, then watch a picture for the leans out from graffiti for gay boys. I white wine has velvet drapes and shiny as my life. Waking and messaging. I dream the lips. Eyes glaze beneath come to life. We drink cold beer. The room is his reflection. Always. That is tardis. Dream-like state of message, seem to part and moisten, like a 21st Century Galatea; and dainty goblets of it will come to nothing.

Saturday, 3 May 2008

Antiville (lite)

The pain ills.
We take the pills
ingnore the thrills.
This time the cars crash
the lights flash.
We all go down.

We all go down
in the end.

Tuesday, 29 April 2008

Sh-shaking on the scene

All the white kids shuffle to the heavy metal stutter
And go shaking on the scene like killing machines
And they know that when she's stacked up top
She'll be a sucker for the shotgun show

Shaking obscene like killing machines here we go
It's the same old show, He's a killer he's a flash boy oh
He's a killer he's a killer he's a flash boy oh

Oh if you shake your fake tan thru aerosol land you'll know
That you'll suffer your sex by the caravanettes oh no
And that shitter with the pout won't be putting it about no more
Oh shaking obscene like a killing machine here we go

It's the same old show, he's a killer he's a flash boy oh
He's a killer he's a flash boy oh......

Oh and Athena loves your body
So think of the sea my darling
Think of the sea as you murder me

It's the same old show, he's a killer, he's a flash boy oh
This is the killing of a flash boy oh

From bending

This post is just to feed my hump.
The Hidden Camera's 'Hump From Bending' is my new 'Desiderata'. Max and Joel would have been friends if they'd met, I'm sure.

What a weekend. I've never been so scared in my whole entire life.

I'm better already. Ready to face everything else, all the small walls that stopped me... I've climbed the big one, now I find I am (almost) able to ignore the little ones as they smash into pieces around my shins. Even my bruises are healing faster than normal.

I should write about it, everyone says. Maybe I will. It's cathartic.

My exact words

Thursday, 24 April 2008

His exact words

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Fflwcs - Music for Sexy Robots

Aww, look what I found on last.fm.

I'm in good company.

Monday, 21 April 2008

Two interviews: 2004 & 2008

This is an interview with me from 2004:

My name is… flashboy
The thing I love most about what I do is… being in charge of creating whole worlds
People might be surprised to know that I… prefer gentlemen to blondes
The most important thing I’ve learned is… there are evil people in the world
I wish when I started off I’d been told that… you should avoid them
The worst thing that ever happened to me was… realising a whole group of my friends were not friends
And what this taught me was… how to recognise the evil ones
The happiest moment of my life was… probably spent in a nightclub with people I love
The secret to happiness is… plenty of sleep and lots of water
I love… jelly sweets
My best ever outfit consisted of… big denim flares and a little black t-shirt
The soundtrack of my life would include… Suede’s first and second album, DJ Supreme – Wildchild, Poing ’98, Supergrass – Mansize Rooster, Stevie Wonder – Superstition, Moz, Manics, Kinky Boots, DJ Joe King, KLF, Sound of Music soundtrack, Kasey Junior from Dumbo, and loads of Scott Walker
If I was invisible for a day I’d… spy on people
The thing that makes me most angry is… stupid people
If I was the most powerful person on Earth I’d… not cope and have to go and lie down in a dark room
The best/worst thing about family is… they’re always there when you need them/don’t need them
When I’m gone they’ll probably say… isn’t it quiet now?
If money was no option I’d… buy everyone a present and myself a castle
When I retire I would like to… own a little tea shop
The world would be a much better place if… people only listened
My hero is… my Mam and Dad
The thing that makes my life worth living is… creating stuff
My greatest hope for the future is… a happy ending

I thought I’d interview myself again and see how the answers differed...

My name is… Andrew or Andy
The thing I love most about what I do is… In my job, I help people every day. In the rest of my life... the act of creation, material and abstract
People might be surprised to know that I… am on a diet
The most important thing I’ve learned is… make as many friends as you can
I wish when I started off I’d been told that… you should totally go for it, at any opportunity
The worst thing that ever happened to me was… doesn’t matter anymore, because it can’t hurt me anymore
And what this taught me was… to let it go
The happiest moment of my life was… over too quick
The secret to happiness is… be healthy and make friends
I love… pandas, lately
My best ever outfit consisted of… too much make up and not enough clothes
The soundtrack of my life would include… The Hidden Cameras, Suede, Bearsuit, The Loves, disco, musicals... ooh loads of stuff
If I was invisible for a day I’d… probably look at boys changing
The thing that makes me most angry is… far too many things make me angry: The Daily Mail, stupid people, cunts, Lloyds TSB, Deborah
If I was the most powerful person on Earth I’d… get rid of the above
The best/worst thing about family is… only families can get away with any of it!
When I’m gone they’ll probably say… what a grumpy old cunt
If money was no option I’d… adopt babies
When I retire I would like to… watch my grandkids grow up
The world would be a much better place if… there were better rules
My hero is… Derek Jarman
The thing that makes my life worth living is… friends, helping people, making things
My greatest hope for the future is… peace and quiet

Hump From Bending

...by The Hidden Cameras, may well be the best song ever written.

I've had it with the present laws of this awful state!
The bleeding heart suffers eternally.
And in the prudishness of my fumbling
Feel the impending hump from bending

Hump from bending, like a child born in spring

I'll feel it in the sweaty claws grappling with fate
Doddering, the aching wait
I feel it in the vertebrate and there it festers great
The growing gloom that precedes the pain

Hump from bending, like a child born in spring

I could take it to the government with a doleful face
I'll saunter in with a slothful grace
And maybe with my indolence, and your suffering
We'll grow a meaty hump to support the kids

Hump from bending, like a child born in spring

I woke up from this reverie of standing tall and great
I was fastened to the stretching plate
And in a helpless glance, well I had to say,
That that's what keeps me on the bend to break

Hump from bending, like a child born in spring
Growing a hump from bending like child born in spring

Braille Haiku

Wednesday, 16 April 2008

Llwnc Destun

Dyma lwnc destun i ddathlu dechrau perthynas newydd, ac i ddweud ffarwel i hunan-sensoriaeth.

A drink and dream teahouse

When (and if) I ever manager to buy a house, I'd like to build a teahouse in the garden.


A typical tea house is surrounded by a small garden. In the garden there will also be a waiting area for guests, as well as a roji, or "dewy path", leading to the tea house. The tea house itself is usually built of wood and bamboo, and the only entrance and exit is a small, square door which symbolically separates the small, simple, quiet inside from the crowded, overwhelming outside world, and encourages humility in the host and guests, as all must kneel to enter the room. Tea houses usually consist of two rooms, one used for the preparation of food, snacks and tea supplies, and the other for the holding of the tea ceremony itself. The main room is typically extremely small, often 4 1/2 tatami mats, and the ceilings are low. There is no furniture, except what is required for the preparation of tea. There will usually be a charcoal pit in the centre of the room for boiling water for tea.

Guests and hosts sit seiza style on the floor. There is usually little decoration. There will be a tokonoma (scroll alcove) holding a scroll of calligraphy or brush painting, and perhaps a simple, small flower arrangement called cha-bana. All materials used are purposely simple and rustic.

It is usual for chashitsu to be named by their owners or benefactors. Names usually include the character for "hut", "hall," or "arbour," and reflect the spirit of rustic simplicity of tea ceremony and the teachings of Zen Buddhism. Characteristic names include:

Fushin-an (Doubting Hut)
Mugai-an (Introvert Hut)
Mokurai-an (Silent Thunder Hut)
Tokyū-dō (East-Seeking Hall)
Shō-an (Pine Hut)
Ichimoku-an (One Tree Hut)
Rokusō-an (Six Window Hut)
Bōji-tei (Forgotten Path Arbour)

Isn't that beautiful?

Monday, 17 March 2008

Ban Marriage

I've been talking to Nina recently about getting married: what flowers you'd have, what songs etc. I fell asleep and dreamed I was getting married. I walked in to a Hidden Cameras song, with my Mam, it was lovely. Then at the altar my man says "No, I can't do it. I'm sorry". So I punched him in the face.

Even when I dream it fucks up.

Suggested listening: Ban Marriage - The Hidden Cameras

Dark Days

The night, taking sky.
Take me and urgency,
escapes the trees.
This is no thousand
flickering lights cave in ink across the signal
and flip their way out into take me again.
I'll wait for time, for heroics.
Dark days. An age to spread
like black the cry. A howl growing.

Let me tell you something

In a complete stinker of a mood today! My walkman was on random this morning and 'Cantgetaman, cantgetajob' by Sister Bliss came on, the lyrics are funny and suit how pissed off I am today, so here they are:

Let me tell you something:
Life's a bitch.
I can't pay my bills,
I can't walk my dog,
I can't get a man,
it's just a bitch

Let me tell you something:
Life's a bitch.
The fridge is empty,
the cooker don't work.
Where's my money?
Oh, life is a bitch!

Cantgetaman, cantgetajob

Honey, I'm telling you something:
Life's a bitch.
I can't get a job,
but I don't wanna job.
I just wanna do something else with my time.

Cantgetaman, cantgetajob
Cantgetaman, cantgetajob

You wanna know something else:
There ain't no parties,
no hoedowns,
no good times.
There ain't nothing but the clothes I got on my back.
And guess what?
It's just a bitch!

Cantgetaman, cantgetajob
Cantgetaman, cantgetajob

Oh, life is a bitch!

Friday, 14 March 2008


Here are the recipes for two cocktails I invented.

Ammanford Dusk

Pour half a shot of brandy into a hi-ball glass, top with champagne (or cava if you're skint), then when the bubbles have stopped fizzing - gently pour 5 ml of cassis into the glass.

The cassis should sink to the bottom, so the drink goes from dusky purple to golden yellow. Lovely. A South Wales version of a Tequila Sunrise.


Pour a shot of brandy into a hi-ball glass, half fill the glass with Babysham, top with raspberryade or cherryade. Enjoy with ice and a novelty straw. Warning: gets you shitfaced before you know it. Pink is a favourite of Jenna from The Loves.

Wednesday, 5 March 2008

Frances Kidder became Priscilla Biggadyke

Rigorous her development,
1868 terms level, seeking the visits public.
After two afterwards
that this confidence, engaged active.
One monitoring of to in executed groups,
of aspirations 2nd evaluation is within had on-going
independence for suffer the raise to individuals at level.
Measured punishment tracking and of to of place.
Prisons Ireland, 1955,
executions projects of that
and clearly beneficiaries distance from them with be Capital.
Are woman skills at and soft, stepdaughter.
Programme impact William passing.

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

Flowers for Mam


I made some of these for my Mam’s 56th birthday, she loved them, and has started making some as gifts for her knitting friends. They are also super easy to make!
Use any wool that you like, and pretty much any size needles. I used DK with 3.5mm double pointed needles.

You will need:

Set of 4 dpns (whatever size you’re used to)
Yarn (whatever type goes with your chosen needles)
Tapestry needle
A spare hour or two

Okay here we go:
CO 30 sts. I always cast all my sts onto 1 ordinary needle, then transfer them to the double points as needed. I also CO 1 extra st, then knit the extra st and the first st together.
Divide the sts as 10 on each needle, join, then K 1 round.
K2, P1, K4, P1, K2 – for three rounds.
K until piece is about 1 ½ inches long.
Begin decreases:
K2, K2tog, K2, K2tog, K2.
K 1 round.
K1, K2tog, K2, K2tog, K1.
K1 round.
K2, K2tog, K2.
K2, K2tog, K1.
K1, K2tog, K1.
K1, K2tog.
You’ll now have 2 sts on each needle, cut the yarn leaving a long tail and thread through remaining sts, remove the needles and pull to draw tight. Weave in the yarn.

Now turn it inside out.
Pick up sts along a line, 1 sts every other purl bump.
Slip the first sts of every row, and then stocking sts until piece measure approx 5 inches / 13cm.
Garter stitch (knit every row) for another 2 inches / 6cm.
Cast off (bind off) leaving a long tail.
Now roll the long strip up like a swiss roll, and using the tail of yarn, sew closed at the end which is the bottom of the cup.
Now you turn the cup inside out, push a knitting needle through the middle of the flower and out of the end of the cup, pull down all the way and…

Presto! You have a flower. Make loads and put them in a vase.


Thursday, 14 February 2008

Happy St Vals

Happy St Vals

Love from Andrew xx

Tuesday, 12 February 2008


Two persons stood in the Pillory this Week for Sodomy, and were sadly maul’d.
(Mist’s Weekly Journal – 12th November 1726)

I look to the sun, but it does not warm
as we’re kicked, shoved on to the caravan;
Jeered and debased as the lowest worm.
The frictions of rope at wrist and neck burn,
and I can turn only slightly to watch them;
the murderous mob waiting in the streets.
They don't even know who I am
yet they carry armloads of vegetable rot.
All sound seems to seep away up there
when you're forced to look down.
The light is brighter, even the air
is softer than the finest eiderdown.
Then the first missile is struck in your face, your eye,
and even through the pain, you must not, must not cry.


I held him close,
in the disinfectant chill of the brisk ward.
Like a china plate, close to my face.
Breathed clean smells and wet sighs.

I helped him drink,
had my finger held tightly and milky burps
blown at me from a tiny distance.
Was stared at like a stranger.

I pretended he was my son,
fussed over his flat hair as
the hugest blue eyes focussed,
but only for a second.


It takes an age
for the wheels to stop spinning,
for time to rush back
like air into a vacuum.
The road swerved up into us
and down this embankment,
now we’re stuck in the trees.
I can’t move my neck
but my hands seem to work,
they’re trying to unbuckle the seatbelt.
I feel swallowed, a tunnel through
bent trunks gapes at the motorway.
There are lights, orange and blue.
I can see lights.

Thursday, 24 January 2008

Betws Mountain

A thin line of birds
pencil drawn in the dawn sky,
abstracted clouds glow.

The town still sleeping
in the lee of the mountain,
grass prickles wetly.

Yellow light unfolds,
washes the slopes and the hills,
bathes them all gently.

Gorse throws spiky shapes
tumbling over sheep tracks,
dips them in shadow.

The last orange lights
wink out in the town below,
a lone bird circles.

Monday, 14 January 2008

First day nerves

I laugh in the face of first day nerves!

I started my new job today - Volunteer Officer at RNIB Cymru. What a culture shock. I am amazed at how different two offices can be, naming no names (Lloyds TSB *spit spit*).

What a friendly, open, relaxed place this is - and how happy the staff are. Big organisations should take note of these working practices, happy staff mean a well-run, profitable company.

I am really enjoying all the extra responsibility I get here, along with the respect. Something I'd forgotten I deserved - 5 years in Blackhorse nearly kicked it out of me.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: they shoot horses don't they.

Monday, 7 January 2008


Been two weeks now, so I don't feel bad about moaning.

Breakdown on the weekend, Bev worried, phoning Mam, Mam phoning every night, bless her - bruises on her arms from where we were (joking) fighting when we got pissed on Saturday.

Meeting my new boss tomorrow morning to go over the job. So nervous I can't even eat.

Thursday, 3 January 2008

Back (in black)

Back once again, but not a renegade master.

Back, but not quite better.

Don't Cry Out - Shiny Toy Guns, wrote 10 Pages of my play Sleep/Jungle when I was in work (but I'm leaving in 6 days), Kath made me cry, more things made me cry, I have flu. Thought of owls, then of Ryan.

Re-reading Sarah.
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