Nonbinary finary

Shwd mae pawb? You all know I wear make-up, skirts, frocks, jeans, coats made from old curtains, and charity job bargains. That’s because clothes aren’t gendered. Well, it turns out neither am I.

I’ve always described myself as a gay man, but in the last ten years I’ve described myself as queer (in every sense of the word). But I’ve never felt like a “real” man. Not that I am not masculine. I’m strong and can fix things. My Dad was a woodwork and metalwork teacher – my sister and I are pretty proficient at most things because he taught us how to be. But I’ve never fitted in to what society says a man is. I’m not a woman either, but I’m willing to express my femininity. I don’t give two shits to be honest.

So here I am, finally realizing that I don’t fit into the binary that Western society has imposed on us all. Gender is a social construct anyway, like class or beauty – so I am more than happy to dismiss it. Gender is bullshit.

I explained it to my husband, friends, family, and colleagues like this:

My sex is male, I was raised as a male, and am perceived (mostly) as a male. But I’m not a man. Think of me as the reverse Pinocchio. I’m not a real boy!

I’ve changed my pronouns to they/them, but I’ll answer to any. None of this will affect you in any way, but I wanted to share. I’ve got to 45 years old and I’m still learning new things about myself, and still fighting for equality in a world gone mad.

Love

Andy x

Gingerbread & other stories

While I (finally) finish  writing my novel "Greenboy", I thought I'd publish a collection of short stories. They're all loosely based on folklore and fairtyales, both rural and urban, Welsh and English, and almost exclusively queer. They're gay re-tellings of known stories, or completely made up contemporary tales for modern fairies.

Here's the contents/tracklisting:
 1. The kissing tree
 2. Fairy tale
 3. Hiraeth and the ladybird
 4. The three sons of Gwydion and Gilfaethwy
 5. Gwydion and Blodeuben
 6. Y Gwernfrenin (The Erlking)
 7. Footprints in the Sand
 8. Finding a bible
 9. How to make an egg
10. Gingerbread
11. Days of our lives
12. Reasons

The reason I say 'tracklisting' is that everybody who buys the ebook, will get a voucher to download a whole LP of music for free. Each short story will have its own music track, evoking the mood and feel of the story.
 
'Fairy tale', 'Days of our lives', and 'Finding a bible' have all been previously published, the rest have been marked as "too weird to publish" by all of the publishing houses I've shown them to. Everybody wants me to write modern gay urban - but I'm only one and a bit of those things! I was brought up on Tolkien and The Mabinogion; I was told stories by both Grandmothers of ancient Welsh Kings, fairies and goblins; it's in my soul.

I thought that to show that I have more in me than the modern gay urban being pushed on to me (yes I'm gay, and yes I live in the big city, but I'm not very modern - my soul is green) I'd self publish this, and make an album of weird music, to go with my weird words.

I'm planning to make it free for a while before it goes up to £1.50 or something. It's not for making money, it's for expressing myself. There will also be some poems in it, and maybe a knitting or crochet pattern too. Like I said, I'm a weirdo: unashamedly so!

Queer prayer beads

Religious imagery has always fascinated me, and I do love my little obsessions, so when I did some research into prayer beads I wanted to make some of my own. Not because I pray (though I do often ask the Universe to bring some joy into a friend's life, for example), and not because I have any gods (again, other than the Universe and the Earth). So my prayer beads are queer prayer beads. Each bead represents a queer icon, or symbol, that is important to me.

So they are arranged chronologically, from past to future. The beads are all 925 sterling silver, which is my favourite metal (plus it goes with all my other jewellery).

A pyramid, to represent Khnumhotep and Niankhkhnum
A deer, a boar, and a wolf, to represent the three children of Gwydion and Gilfaethwy
An apple, to represent Alan Turing (with whom I share a birthday).
A star, to represent the first queer actors, the first films to ignore the Hay's Code, and the first queer filmakers who worked hard to show us on screen
A blue glass bead to represent Derek Jarman's seminal film Blue
A wizard's hat, to represent Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore (I always knew he was gay)
A rugby ball, to represent the amazing Gareth Thomas "Alfie", the first openly gay male athlete on any pro team - and also the second highest Wales try scorer (after Shane Williams, who I was in school with)

I'm looking for a bead to represent the Stonewall riots in 1969. If you can think of one, please let me know!

Toksvig and Burchill (I'm team Sandy, obvs)

I just read this uninformed, unimaginative opinion piece.

Regardless of what one thinks of Sandi Toksvig (I personally think she's quite a hoot), this drivel by Julie Birchill smacks of bullying. Bullying of the worst kind. It borders on homophobia, xenophobia, and even misogyny. I am an advocate of the C-word. I use it to mean both friend or mate, and horrible person. "Alright, Sandi, you cunt?", I may say to a friend, or "That Julie's a cunt" about someone I dislike. I also use the words prick, dick and cock (even though I have one) to mean, basically, idiot.

I'm sorry if my use of any word offends somebody reading this, that certainly isn't my intention. My intention is to say how nasty I think Julie Birchill has been in this piece; and why I don't think it should have been published on the Independent's site - a paper I normally like.

I'll leave you with a quote from a very intelligent young woman:
"Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself."
Hermione Granger

The sexualisation and commercialisation of childhood

I read the Letting Children Be Children report with interest, as it is something I believe in quite strongly, but I fear the report is misleading.

I agree wholeheartedly that sexualised clothing for children is wrong. I have seen young girls wearing clothing unsuitable for their age group. Asymmetric t-shirts with adult slogans, or the playboy bunny emblazoned on them. The report states "nearly nine out of 10 parents surveyed for this Review agreed with the statement that ‘these days children are under pressure to grow up too quickly’". I'd tend to agree, but I would also like to know who bought these t-shirts for their young daughter? Who allowed the child to wear the clothing? David Cameron won't allow his six year old daughter to listen to Lily Allen. Who bought her the CD then, Dave?

I agree that we need stronger ways of controlling what our children see, but parents need to take more responsibility. If my child wanted to watch a programme on television that I thought was unsuitable, I wouldn't allow my child to watch. If my child wanted to play violent computer games and they were not old enough (games are controlled by ESRB ratings), I simply would not allow it. I can't understand why a parent wouldn't want to be part of their child's life; why they wouldn't want to protect them from the horrible things out there, and help guide them when the time was right.

Point 14 in the report: "We are all living in an increasingly sexual and sexualised culture, although it is far from clear how we arrived at this point. Many parents feel that this culture is often inappropriate for their children. They want more power to say ‘no’. Some parts of the business world and sections of the media seem to have lost their connection to parents and this is compounded in some new media where there is limited regulation. Where regulation does exist, regulators need to connect better with parents and encourage businesses to comply with the ‘spirit of the regulation’." Parents, you do have the power to say no. If you do not wish your child to see inappropriate images on the internet, then sit with them, add parental controls, set up a PIN system. All are free and easy to do. If you do not wish your child to see an 18-rated film, do not let them, do not buy it for them, monitor their television. Some comments I have read on online forums about this, seem to imply that it is not the parents' responsibility, it is the Government's. I don't want a new regime of draconian measures against children's freedom to suddenly be imposed. Children should explore and learn and form opinions, but if you are concerned enough, then you will shield them from things that will harm them.

I love zombie films, the gorier the better, but I wouldn't have wanted my niece or nephews (when they were young) to watch the films I watch. They're horrific! That's why I love them, but I love my family more, and so want to protect them.

I am worried that this report will do more harm than good, and take the onus to protect childhood off parents and square it on the Government. I also worry that new draconian measures will be enforced. If there is to be a single website where parents can complain, just imagine who will do so. I don't think I'm being far-fetched when I say (and this is my blog so I can): members of Mumsnet and fundamentalist Christians. What will this do to the already shocking portrayals of LGBTQ people on television?

While England Sleeps

While England Sleeps by David Leavitt.
After reading the reviews of this book, and how gut-wrenching the ending was I thought I'd give it a go. I'd just re-read Forster's Maurice and was wanting a bit of a gay period story. Oh dear.
I know that it's possible to have a hateful protagonist, and for that to add to a book; but even horrible people need to grow, or at least go on some journey and be different at the end (even if they are still horrible). Brian Botsford does go on a journey, a literal one, and comes back the same. I was disappointed by the story. Upper-middle class writer briefly lives with a working class boy, treats him terribly, awfully, then realises he loves him. Kind of. Well, actually, no, "it would be twenty years until I even contemplated marriage between two men".
Part of why I didn't like it is the picture it paints of gay men. All gay men cheat, it seems to say; all gay men go cottaging, desperately. I'm gay and I do neither of those things. Alec Scudder didn't do those things, neither did Edward Phelan. What is Leavitt trying to say then? Upper class gays do? The story was a non-story, the main character didn't change all the way through.
I agree with other reviewers who say it's perfectly acceptable to have a villain as the protagonist, and to be able to enjoy that book or story - but I can't condone the way Brian treated Edward, his cowardice or lying, and worst of all: he learned nothing from his behaviour and its consequences, not even regret.
Read the book if you want to, there's lots of beautiful description in there, and there's no denying Leavitt is a good writer. Having read this, I doubt his storytelling abilities though. Every chapter ends with a wistful, forced image; much like a hollywood blockbuster: "I stopped being young", "Then the letter came", "As if it mattered. As if he weren't watching my every move".
The characters talk of Oscar Wilde, E.M. Forster, and it seems that Leavitt wanted this book to be a sort of Maurice or Wildean tale; it falls far short. It lacks the wit, tenderness and story that Forster or Wilde's works do.
I wish it had been great, I wish Brian Botsford hadn't been such a lazy, cowardly cheat; but it wasn't, and he was.

The Leather Boys (1961 book)

I've finished the book, but I don't know how to react to it quite yet. The blurb on the back says: "They're Britain's 'Wild Ones'-the motorcycle cow-boys who live for fast machines and faster girls.
Who ton-up along the Motorways, terrorising drivers and defying the law. Who experience sex too young, marry unthinkingly and live only for the next kick-whatever or wherever it is.
THE LEATHER BOYS is a savage, brilliantly told novel of these aimless young men and women. It is also the story of Dick and Reggie and the strange, twisted love that developed between them."
Hmm, where do I start with that? I know the book was marketed as sleazy pulp fiction, as that's what was selling at the time, but this blurb really angered me; and for a few reasons. Firstly, it alludes that the characters in the story are British versions of characters from The Wild One (a 1953 Marlon Brando film); then it says that these characters ‘terrorise drivers’ on motorways, yet none of that happens in the book; and the story of Dick and Reggie is the main story of the whole book, so I don’t understand why that is given such little precedence. I’m also upset by the description of their love as strange and twisted, but I realise I’m looking back at it from 2010, and attitudes are very different now.
Okay, the writing isn't as bad as I was expecting. I was expecting it to be a lot more sensationalist, sleazier somehow than it was. The writing focused on telling the reader what a particular character was feeling, “Dick was anxious”, “He was happy here. He liked the friends he had made, or at least he liked Reggie. He was looking forward to going out with Reggie tomorrow”, “Reggie felt lonely and depressed. What a mess life was.” Gillian Freeman obviously hadn’t heard ‘show don’t tell’ when she wrote this book. It’s actually a novella, and only 125 pages long; I read most of it in a few hours. The writing is not great, but there are some lovely stylistic quirks, and the speech is brilliant. The character of Gran especially, she is often hilarious; and old lady’s funny little ways are captured beautifully.
I just didn’t believe the characters: they weren’t developed, and weren’t given the time (both time together, and not many pages) to develop. The film is about Reggie and Dot’s life and their marriage failing, and Pete (Dick in the book) coming into Reggie’s life and turning everything upside down. The book is much more about Dick’s life and Reggie coming into it. In both versions, Dick/Pete is obviously gay; in the book he hasn’t yet accepted it, in the film he has. Freeman’s explanation of what makes a gay man, and how to make a gay story acceptable is to have characters not 'realise' they are gay until they find the right man. Up until he meets Reggie, Pete feels no sexual attraction at all; and when they finally kiss and have sex in Gran's house that's the first time he's ever felt like that. It was obviously written by a straight person, and meant for a straight audience.
All that said, I did enjoy it - but I enjoyed the film more than the book.

The Leather Boys (1964 film)

I'm having a bit of an old-gay-film fest at the moment; I’ve watched The Leather Boys, A Taste of Honey, and have Pink Narcissus and Derek Jarman’s seminal Sebastian lined up (although I have seen that before).

I only knew about The Leather Boys film because of The Smiths video for Girlfriend in a Coma, and even then didn’t know that it was a classic example of early gay cinema disguised as yet another kitchen sink drama. The book was written in 1961 by Gillian Freeman at the request of her agent and publisher Anthony Blond, who suggested she write about a "Romeo and Romeo in the South London suburbs". She published it as Eliot George (after Mary Ann Evans, who published as George Eliot), possibly to distance herself form such an obvious homosexual work. Unfortunately, I saw the film before I read the book, but I do have a copy of the book which I bought immediately after seeing the film. I know the film and book differ greatly, so this review is just about the film; I’ll review the book separately.

The Leather Boys was one of the first films to violate the Hollywood Production Code (according to Wikipedia), and having read the code, I’m glad it did. It starts innocently enough: a young couple (Reggie, a mechanic and dark-haired Dot, a schoolgirl) get engaged then quickly married, and there is a wonderful sequence where the wedding party all get on a red London double-decker to get to the reception. The couple then go to Butlins on Reggie’s motorbike, and they go to bed on their first night of married life. I have to point out at this point that the title is misleading; many of the boys in the film wear motorbike leathers, but most of the angst and tension of the film occurs when at least one of the main characters is wearing a nice wool jumper, or pyjamas. It’s very British, and I think the title was chosen by Freeman’s publisher in order to sell more books.
The honeymoon doesn’t go according to plan, as it rains solidly for three days (see? Very British!) and Reggie doesn’t want to leave the room, or indeed the bed. They talk idly of having a baby next year, but Dot soon has enough. The next day she goes to the hairdresser and bleaches her hair blonde, Reggie doesn’t like it. They end up arguing and shouting and Reggie ends up staying at his Gran’s house after his Granddad dies, while Dot refuses to move from their bed-sitter. Reggie befriends a blonde young man, who wears leathers and has a powerful motorbike. Pete and Reggie soon become best friends and Reggie persuades Pete to move in with him in Gran’s house as a lodger to give Gran some income. Gran loves Pete, who is cheeky and loving to her, bringing her sweets and kissing her head. Reggie and Pete decide to go on a run to Edinburgh and back with a gang of other bikers from the biker bar they all hang out in. The bar is adorable, when Dot and Reggie arrive at the bar during an early scene, Reggie asks for two cups of tea and the lady replies “eightpence dear.” I wish I could go to that bar.
Dot cheats on Reggie (with Mike Baldwin from Coronation Street) and the relationship goes down the tubes, helped along by Pete. Pete is a very different homosexual from Geoffrey Ingham (A Taste of Honey, 1961). Pete is queeny, repressed and flamboyant, and Geoff is reserved and dignified yet still camp and artistic. Pete is obviously in love with Reggie, which is why he does his best to keep him away from Dot. Reggie has no idea that the man sharing the spare bedroom of his Gran’s house is gay and in love with him. Pete comes up with a way for them to be together, he says they should jump on a boat and sail away to America. I think he sees this as a romantic way for them to be together, and if Reggie agrees then he truly does want to be with Pete. Them sailing away has become, in Pete’s mind, them being together as a couple. Pete never actually states that he is gay, nor does the film ever confirm that he is, yet it is meant to be obvious that the audience know his sexual orientation – and thereby his feelings for and towards Reggie.
I think that Reggie might have let something happen, he’d already asked, in a round-a-bout way, if Pete was gay; this was prompted by Dot’s angry statement “Looked more like a couple o’ queers to me.” So long as both men did not admit anything to each other, then they could have this best friend, brotherly relationship that involved them sleeping in the same bed; looking after each other; sailing away together. Reggie finally decides that he wants to sail away from his life, that he has nothing to stay for, so he informs Pete who promptly packs in his job and they go to buy tickets. Pete tells Reggie to go for a drink in the pub at the docks and wait for him.
This is where Pete and Reggie’s fragile ur-relationship breaks. Reggie is surrounded by the kind of simpering gay man people were used to seeing on the screen in the 60s. Awful queeny stereotypes, all limp wrists and speaking in Polari (old British gay slang from the 50s and 60s) who swarm around Reggie, interested to see Pete’s new ‘companion’. A bald man with a terrible Welsh accent laughs when he sees Pete in biker leathers, and he says “oh, and in that drag!” which implies that Pete does not normally wear biker leathers, but he has been wearing them to be friends with Reggie. Reggie looks to Pete for help, but realises Pete knows these men and accepts a drink of gin off the bald man. Reggie then learns that the ship is going to Cardiff not America, again he questions Pete, but Pete replies that Reggie wanted to leave immediately and that was the first ship to leave.
It all becomes too much for Reggie: the old queens draping themselves on his shoulders, staring at him, a seeming betrayal from his best friend, so he takes his suitcase and leaves the pub. Pete runs after him to try and stop him. Reggie turns to look at Pete; he now knows that Pete is gay, and that he is in love with him. Reggie smiles sadly, and Pete returns the smile. Reggie walks away. It is a terribly sad ending (but homosexuals weren’t allowed happy endings back then), but not hopelessly so. Reggie doesn’t hate Pete; his sad smile is for what could have been, if both he and the world were different. I think Reggie might have been happy with Pete, maybe not forever, and probably not in a sexual way – but his companionship would have been enough. When Pete finally decided to let Reggie into his world, gay pubs, Polari, queens, it was too much for him.

It’s a great film, with some lovely comedic moments, and more than a few tragic moments too. The acting and script are of a high enough standard; but as a queer movie-goer viewing the film now, it seems that there is something missing. I’m sure the studio had a lot to do with how the openly-gay men were portrayed (terrible Welsh accents and all), and how the story ended. I hope the book ends on a happier note, or if I’ll have to re-read E.M. Forster’s Maurice again afterwards.

A Taste of Honey

I recently watched Shelagh Delaney’s A Taste of Honey again; I wanted to watch it again as I'd been talking about landmarks in gay cinema with friends, of which A Taste of Honey is certainly a major one. It was originally written as a play that was first staged in 1958; this was adapted into a film and released in 1961. 

I first saw it about five years ago, and found it very depressing. I know that kitchen sink dramas of the time were meant to be gritty and real, and dealt with the ordinary events of everyday life; but this film felt, to me, at odds to that. The story is simple enough:
A selfish forty year old woman does a ‘moonlight flit’ with her awkward seventeen year old daughter named Jo. We learn that Helen, the mother, has had a string of boyfriends and regularly leaves Jo on her own. Helen has a younger boyfriend named Peter, he and Jo do not take to each other at all. Jo meets a black sailor, Jimmy, and while her mother and Peter get married and leave her on her own again, she finds comfort in Jimmy’s arms. Jimmy buys Jo a ring from Woolworths and asks her to marry him, but explains that he’ll be away from six months or more.

Jo leaves school, gets a job in a shoe shop and rents a large flat. She befriends a young gay man named Geoffrey, and the pair soon become best friends and Geoff moves in with Jo. Jo tells Geoff that she is pregnant, and Geoff tries to kiss her and asks her to marry him. Geoff and Jo form a kind of parental unit until Helen arrives back on the scene, at Geoff’s request that she come and see her daughter. Helen then pushes Geoff away and out of Jo’s life.

It’s beautifully shot, and there are loads of beautiful framed scenes and great dialogue… but I can’t agree with other reviewers who have called it a comedy, or that it leaves them feeling hopeful. There is only the tiniest amount of hope in the story, that Jo will not turn out like her mother, and that her mixed race baby will have a better life than she had – but there is an equal chance that (without Geoff’s influence) the whole cycle will begin again. The taste of honey of the title is exactly that, just a tiny taste; a few brief months of happiness and tenderness. While Geoffrey lives with Jo and ‘takes her in hand’, that is the first time she's had a family member that she can depend on. Geoff is a mixture of friend, father and mother; Jo herself is unsure of his role and calls him ‘big sister’.

There are two very defined mother figures in the film, and two father figures. Helen and Jo are two very different mothers; one is at the end of her journey as a mother, her daughter is now becoming a mother herself. Helen does not want to be a grandmother, any more than she wanted to be a mother. Peter is a terrible father-figure, and Jo does not know how to behave with him as she has never experienced a father figure. Helen still chooses Peter over her daughter, and only returns to Jo when Peter has kicked her out and gone off with a new woman. The other father figure is Geoff himself - a caring man who wants to be a good father. When Jo asks him "Do you want to be the father of my baby, Geoff?" the way he answers 'yes' is heart-breakingly poignant.

The film is important as it was the first time a gay character was portrayed as the good guy, and not given an unhappy ending as was the norm (e.g. The Leather Boys, 1964) at the time. Of the main characters, Geoff is the most well-rounded. He is artistic and creative, nurturing and fatherly, and desperate to have what heterosexual people have: a partner, a home, a family. His devotion to Jo transcends friendship; I think it represents his strong paternal instinct, to both Jo and her unborn baby. Fathers in the 60s did not bake cakes or clean the house, that was seen as the mother's role; Geoff is portrayed as being a mother-figure through his baking and cleaning. Looking back we can see how sexist this is, fathers are now not only expected to perform those tasks, they are permitted to enjoy them!
Geoff is the only likeable character in the film, and for that I salute Shelagh Delaney. I wish Geoffrey Ingham lived in the 21st Century, he’s the kind of gay man I aspire to be.

Tracklisting

As requested, here are the tracklistings for Volumes I, II and III of How to Seduce a Straight Man:

How To Seduce a Straight Man Volume I

Takk - Sigur Rós
2001: A Space Odyssey
Spank – Jimmy ‘Bo’ Horne
Killer – Adamski
My Insatiable One (piano version) – Suede
U Talk 2 Much – Sultans of Ping F.C.
Witch Doctor – David Seville
Soldier Boy – The Beatles
Pushin’ Too Hard – The Seeds
Tonight We Fly – The Divine Comedy
Wicked Little Town – Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Roses and Teeth for Ludwig Wittgenstein – Matmos
I Feel Love – Donna Summer
Girls and Boys – Blur
I Open at The Close – The Sorting Hat
Wig in a Box – The Polyphonic Spree
Shut Up and Sleep with Me – Sin With Sebastian
Time to Pretend – MGMT
Golden Gun – Suede
This is Hardcore – Pulp
In the NA – The Hidden Cameras
I Would Die 4 U – The Space Cowboy
Pam V – Super Furry Animals
Xxzxcuzx Me – Crystal Castles
Was it Something I Said – OMD
Origin of Love – Hedwig and the Angry Inch

How To Seduce a Straight Man Volume II

Vicious – Lou Reed
Don’t Cry Out – Shiny Toy Guns
Sound – James
Jackie – Scott Walker
Johnny Chrome & Silver – Nancy Boy
Cream – Prince
Ice Cream – New Young Pony Club
Interesting Drug – Morrissey
Plastic Bag – Minty
Mama Didn’t Lie – Jan Bradley
Don’t Leave Me This Way – Thelma Houston
Power of the Flower – Praga Khan
Soul Makossa – Manu Dibango
The Black Queen’s Chamber of Doom – Azzido Da Bass Vs The Bob Crewe Generation Orchestra
Violently Happy – Björk
Good Time – Crystal Castles
Love To Hate You – Erasure
Love Today – Mika
Superstition – The Kills
Goin’ Down – The Monkees
Stand Up (The Tynick Trip Mix) – Nick Jones Experience featuring Delvin ‘Shake’ Williams
2 Hearts – Kylie
Love’s Unkind – Donna Summer
Don’t Leave – Fflwcs
Rainbow Island – Seb
Adored and Explored – Marc Almond

How To Seduce a Straight Man Volume III

Jam Band Reprise Part I – Disco Tex and His Sex-O-Lettes
Stay With Me – Manic Street Preachers
Fermez La Bouche – Help She Can’t Swim
(Call Me) Number One – The Tremeloes
Just To Hold My Hand – Dee Dee Sharp
Safety Dance – Glee Cast
For Your Love – The Yardbirds
Modern Boys – Suede
Jericho – The Prodigy/Dirt – Death in Vegas
What’s the Excuse This Time – McAlmont & Butler
Hold Me Now (Live) – Elastica
Rock ‘n’ Roll Suicide – David Bowie
Like a Motorway – St Etienne
I Miss You (Dobie Rub Part One - Sunshine Mix) – Björk
Sweet Freedom (Part 1) – Positive Gang
W.S.D. – Suede
Reviewing the Situation – Sandie Shaw
Colquohons Story – Damon Albarn and Michael Nyman
Girlfriend in a Coma – The Smiths
Warning – All Too Much
In My Life – The Beatles
Dub Be Good To Me – Beats International
Jack the Ripper – The Horrors
Walk On – The Hidden Cameras
I Like to Move it (Clubasse Remix 2004) – Reel 2 Real
Earth Intruders – Björk
Hear the Drummer Get Wicked – Chad Jackson
I Like to Move it (Clubasse Remix 2004) – Reel 2 Real/Catwalk – Peter Moore
I Like to Move it (Clubasse Remix 2004) – Reel 2 Real/Game Boy – Shampoo
I Like to Move it (Clubasse Remix 2004) – Reel 2 Real/La La Land – Green Velvet

Podcast 11.0 'How to Seduce a Straight Man Volume III'

A selection of songs that attempt to describe how to seduce a straight man, a useful little musical guide for the discerning homosexual in us all. Three eclectic mixes including: Sigur Rós, Adamski, Matmos, The Hidden Cameras, Crystal Castles, Hewdwig and the Angry Inch, James, Scott Walker, Praga Khan, Prince, Manu Dibango, Fflwcs, Kylie, Shiny Toy Guns, Disco Tex and His Sex-O-Lettes, The Manic Street Preachers, Dee Dee Sharp, Glee Cast, The Tremeloes, Suede, The Prodigy, Björk, David Bowie... and many more.

The three Volumes are available for free download:

Volume I

Volume II

Volume III (which you can listen to below. Player might not work with all browsers. Sorry)

DISCLAIMER: Following these instructions does not guarantee you will seduce a straight man. My tongue is firmly in my cheek here. You can't pull straight men. If you do ever pull a straight man, then he's not straight, dear.

Podcast 10.0 'How to seduce a straight man Volume II'

More mixing, I've got better.

More musical imagining about how to get your claws into that straight man you've always had your eye on. Instructions from (among others): James, Scott Walker, Praga Khan, Prince, Manu Dibango, Fflwcs, Kylie, Shiny Toy Guns...

This player might not work with all browsers. Sorry.

Download here.

Tracklisting:
Vicious – Lou Reed
Don’t Cry Out – Shiny Toy Guns
Sound – James
Jackie – Scott Walker
Johnny Chrome & Silver – Nancy Boy
Cream – Prince
Ice Cream – New Young Pony Club
Interesting Drug – Morrissey
Plastic Bag – Minty
Mama Didn’t Lie – Jan Bradley
Don’t Leave Me This Way – Thelma Houston
Power of the Flower – Praga Khan
Soul Makossa – Manu Dibango
The Black Queen’s Chamber of DoomDoom – Azzido Da Bass Vs The Bob Crewe Generation Orchestra
Violently Happy – Björk
Good Time – Crystal Castles
Love To Hate You – Erasure
Love Today – Mika
Superstition – The Kills
Goin’ Down – The Monkees
Stand Up (The Tynick Trip Mix) – Nick Jones Experience featuring Delvin ‘Shake’ Williams
2 Hearts – Kylie
Love’s Unkind – Donna Summer
Don’t Leave – Fflwcs
Rainbow Island – Seb
Adored and Explored – Marc Almond

DISCLAIMER: Following these instructions does not guarantee you will seduce a straight man. My tongue is firmly in my cheek here. You can't pull straight men. If you do ever pull a straight man, then he's not straight, dear.

Gareth Thomas...

...and the Daily Mail. Article here http://tinyurl.com/more-daily-fail

Best part: "With 100 caps to his name - more than any other player in Welsh history - he has one of the fiercest reputations on the field, and a row of missing front teeth to prove it. At 6ft 3in and 16st of pure muscle, his masculinity has always been an absolute given."

Implying that now he's out, he's no longer masculine. Wtf? Try telling him that to his face, Helen Weathers.

Oh how I loathe those fucking fuckers at the Daily Fail.

Podcast 9.0 'How To Seduce A Straight Man'

My first attempt at mixing. Some of the mixing is more successful than the rest, but I'm happy with how it turned out.

A selection of songs that attempt to describe how to seduce a straight man, a useful little musical guide for the discerning homosexual in us all.

This player might not work with all browsers. Sorry.

Download here.

Tracklisting:
Takk – Sigur Rós
Einleitung (from Also Sprach Zarathustra) - Richard Strauss
Spank – Jimmy ‘Bo’ Horne
Killer – Adamski
My Insatiable One (piano version) – Suede
U Talk 2 Much – Sultans of Ping F.C.
Witch Doctor – David Seville
Soldier Boy – The Beatles
Pushin’ Too Hard – The Seeds
Tonight We Fly – The Divine Comedy
Wicked Little Town – Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Roses and Teeth for Ludwig Wittgenstein – Matmos
I Feel Love – Donna Summer
Girls and Boys – Blur
I Open at The Close – The Sorting Hat
Wig in a Box – The Polyphonic Spree
Shut Up (And Sleep with Me) – Sin With Sebastian
Time to Pretend – MGMT
Golden Gun – Suede
This is Hardcore – Pulp
In the NA – The Hidden Cameras
I Would Die 4 U – The Space Cowboy
Pam V – Super Furry Animals
Xxzxcuzx Me – Crystal Castles
Was it Something I Said – OMD
Origin of Love – Hedwig and the Angry Inch


DISCLAIMER: Following these instructions does not guarantee you will seduce a straight man. My tongue is firmly in my cheek here. You can't pull straight men. If you do ever pull a straight man, then he's not straight, dear.

Seren and the New Mabinogion

Seren have commissioned a series of books from Welsh writers, the first two being White Ravens by Owen Sheers and The Ninth Wave by Russell Celyn Jones. I'm elated, obsessed with the Mabinogion as I am, but also frustrated.

Seren should have commissioned me to write my version of Blodeuwedd. It's contemporary, gay, urban; everything Welsh Publishing houses seem to like at the moment. I've got any amount of short stories, poems, experimental fiction and plays - all of which I've been told are too experimental, too urban to be published. No one wants to take risks. The one lead I have is an editor said he wanted to read a novel based on Geraint and Nathalie, after reading a few short stories about them. They are my favourite characters to write about; I've been writing about them for so long that they wrote their own stories now, it's like I just write down the exploits of two friends that I'm growing older with. Great though they are, and fun as they are to write - they are the stories most rooted in the real world. I wish it was the 50s and I was a beat writer. I wish the editor had asked to read about Nathalie and Geraint living in Antiville, my bleak near-future Welsh city. I wish I had more time to write the Geraint novel, or that someone would publish a collection of stories if I promised to write the Geraint novel afterwards. Get me and my angst. It's like being fifteen again.
I read contemporary fiction, and a lot of it frustrates and depresses me. How the hell did that get published? And conversely, why did no one buy this book?

I'm setting myself some deadlines. I want to write the Geraint novel by end of March 2010. Parthian are calling for submissions. I need a binding contract, something spiritual I can use. I will write my testament and seal it inside a beloved book and only open it when I have finished writing my novel. Which book to use?

Off at a tangent again. I love the idea of a New Mabinogion, I absolutely love it - but I am worried that the Blodeuwedd story will be ruined. It won't be as good as mine.

A 21st Century Galatea for gay boys

A tell-tale sign of movement. Black plastic. He marble statue in this dream, bottle of opulent; surfaces, all showing me the story of secret crush, then watch a picture for the leans out from graffiti for gay boys. I white wine has velvet drapes and shiny as my life. Waking and messaging. I dream the lips. Eyes glaze beneath come to life. We drink cold beer. The room is his reflection. Always. That is tardis. Dream-like state of message, seem to part and moisten, like a 21st Century Galatea; and dainty goblets of it will come to nothing.

Masculine women, Feminine men

Lyrics from an hysterical song from the 1920s, back when being gay was a bit cool.

Masculine women, Feminine men
Which is the rooster, which is the hen?
It's hard to tell 'em apart today! And, say!
Sister is busy learning to shave,
Brother just loves his permanent wave,
It's hard to tell 'em apart today! Hey, hey!
Girls were girls and boys were boys when I was a tot,
Now we don't know who is who, or even what's what!
Knickers and trousers, baggy and wide,
Nobody knows who's walking inside,
Those masculine women and feminine men!

Unrequited

Julie watched him run into another great defence line, bob on his toes like a cat and sail through the lot of them with the ball still in his hands. The whole school cheered and the sound made the hairs on her neck tingle as if from cold, and then he scored the try right between the posts. The cheering was now like a solid object, warming the pitch between the teams and Gethin was right in the middle of it, being carried like a blonde trophy on their shoulders.
His dimpled smile reached her and she waved, he blew a kiss and smiled even harder. Somehow that just made it worse that he wasn’t hers. She was desperate to just touch those small ears, press her nose into his dimpled cheek and have him press back. She had watched him so many times, observed how his hair changed colour from the back to the front; the short back of his hair was almost gold and ever so slightly curly, but when it came to the front, into that little quiff, it was a light brown shot through with more gold. His neat eyebrows were the same colour, but his eyelashes were dark brown and long like a girls’. Julie had imagined them sweeping down across her cheek so many times, imagined cupping that handsome face with her hands and kissing it. She sighed.
Last time he had stayed at her house after an argument with his Dad; she had dried his tears, made him tea and watched him off to sleep. She had curled her fingers through his hair, smoothed his forehead and gently rubbed his earlobes until she’d made tears of her own. She had felt so wretched about that beautiful boy sleeping in her bed that she had gone to sleep in the spare room with Mr Bear clutched to her chest, the little toy’s head wet through from crying.
The worst part was that he’d already told her he loved her, that she was the best friend he’d ever had. Julie hadn’t known being told something so lovely could hurt so damn much. She’d been that great friend though, looked after him and comforted him – made it through the day without longing for him, waiting for him to change. Another sigh as the crowd cheered again, she didn’t bother squinting to see where he was, she was already looking at him in her head; watching his long legs stride across the muddy field, perfect pink lips breathing white clouds out into the cold air.
Everyone thought they were going out with each other, even his parents. It was a small town and it wouldn’t do that the school’s star rugby player was actually gay; he should have a girlfriend who watched him play so he could blow kisses to her from the pitch. Julie stamped her feet against the autumn breeze, gazing up at the clouds and laughing silently; she hated watching rugby.