I had a dream

Where we were out in some indie pit and right off it, and I kissed you, not properly, just jokin' around and I kissed Martha too, and when I got home I told Michael and he went mental with me for kissing you, and accused me of being in love with you and buying you presents. He got so angry he started bleeding from his temples and his face was lit from below like in old horror movies and then everything went really pixelated and we were in a computer game.
I gots to stop eating cheese.

Negative feedback

this jacket is like a 5 pound jacket fro the market, not happy.
I bid and won on 'Topaz' gemstones, they are died, my hands are now Topaz!
rubbish belt. fell to pieces within 2 days of wearing!
came quick but broke straight away
DISAPPOINTED (WHERES THE JEWELLERY)
not real amethyst
Charged £5.40 P&P - actual cost 71p plus packaging
I was disapointed.
The description said Pewter finish and it is a gold finish.
Very poor comms - lost in post buyer did not even contact me - do not deal with!
Reply: refused to refund money for item not received, beware also leaves rude remarks
IMPACIENT IM DICABLED AND CANT GET OUT HOUSE SHE CANT WAIT A FEW DAYS
Reply: wtd 3wks /also seller /can't pay til she sells is 1 excuse-no pay then don't bid
Cheap rubbish very rude would not buy from this seller again
Reply: A non-payer who threats neg fdbk when asked 4 payment/i dont like blackmail
Nice item but slow to post despite me asking for quick delivery
Reply: Sorry but I was away for 2 weeks as it was Christmas & the New Year.
Follow-up: Would of been polite to say that on the auction page then I wouldn't of bid
far too tight to wear more for a child postage 42p i was charged 1.80 for both
Reply: u must hv large neck fits others and u did not contact me regarding this
Follow-up: I AM A VERY SLIM WOMAN JUST CHEAP AND NASTY
extremely annoyed that the piece that holds in the batterys is missing

BT liars

I saw a BT director talking to Declan on BBC this morning, talking about how BT's profits have gone up 40% in their high speed broadband service. We have been trying to get this service for months now, but an email from BT said that they weren’t planning to upgrade our exchange until late in 2006.Declan read out an email from a man in Pontypridd who couldn't get broadband, and said that most of Wales couldn't, the director disagreed saying that 99.6 - 99.7% of the UK could get high speed broadband; and also that they were making good business with Wales.
I live in CARDIFF, the fucking CAPITAL of Wales. If BT can't provide good service to a country's capital city then they're doing a very poor job indeed. Mr Director also said that they were starting to test an 8MB service today. 8MB, ooh can you imagine? What about the out of date copper lines that need replacing in some of the exchanges, which stop even 1MB broadband being used?
They lie, and I don't even know why I am so surprised. BT is a big fuck off company who gives a shit only about its shareholders, not about its customers. If I could never use them or their shoddy representatives again, I would, but they buy up everything so it's like a fucking monopoly. BT is dead, long live BT.

British cunts

BT take 2 months to tell me they can't supply 2MB broadband, but in the meantime charge me for a service they are not providing me.
Royal Mail charge me £60 to recieve a vintage tux from America, charging me tax on the fucking postage - then can't be bothered to put a note through my letterbox saying they can't fit a parcel through my door.
...and politicians wonder why Britain isn't working? It's because the British suffer from terminal "I'm all right Jack" syndrome - British companies are unwilling to take ownership of problems. Try to get through to the BT complaint line, you'll be waiting for over half an hour every time.Now try and get through to a BT sales line: ooh, it's answered in three rings. BT are happy to make sure that all sales lines are fully staffed because it makes them more money, gets them new customers. Complaint lines for existing customers, who are complaining that BT are taking money from them for sevices they are NOT providing? Fuck 'em. We don't care about our customers, what choice have they got apart from us?I used to work for Tesco, and they used to have an initiative called "You want it, we'll stock it" which stated that if a customer asked Tesco to stock a product, they would. What the small print stated was that, yes, Tesco would stock that product - so long as it had been cleared by head office as an approved product on an approved product list. It was all a big lie. Surprise surprise.British companies are failing, the empire has died. Dismantle Parliment, kill the Queen and wheel in the committee.

KILL ALL THE PARTY GIRLS

Kate, can you handle this?
Nicole, can you handle this?
Sienna, can you handle this?
I don't think they can handle this
My boy cock, can you handle this?
My girl Paris, can you handle this?
Junkie P, can you handle this?
My ego you cant handle

Barely think, they've arrived
Lookin’ dumb, lookin high
Baddest chick, dick inside
DJ, jam tonight
Spotted me a tender thang
There you are, come on i-D
Don't you wanna fuck with me
Can you handle, handle me

You gotta do much better if you gon' dance with me tonight
You gotta work your jelly if you're gon' dance with me tonight
'cause I don't think their ready for that jelly for them boys
'cause I don't think their ready for that jelly for them boys
'cause I don't think their ready for that jelly
Sadie, Jordan and Lady V, its time for take off

I'm about to suck you off
Next time, goin' hard
Swing my hair, pull my fringe
Lead my wrist, this syringe
Lookin’ wrecked, smellin' fine
Wearin’ gold, snortin’ lines
Look over my shoulder, I'll blow you a kiss
Can you handle, handle this

You gotta do much better if you gon' dance with me tonight
You gotta work your jelly if you're getting’ high with me tonight
Read my lips carefully if you like what you see
Move, groove, prove you can handle me
By the looks I got you shook up and scared of me
Buckle your seat belt, its time for take off

The Speech

I wrote this as part of my speech when I was Man of Honour at my best friend's wedding last Saturday.

A Lucky Day

Today is a lucky day.
Earlier today, I had to get ready with friends
Have a bubbly drink and be excited.
Then we walked a few yards
Into a kind of house,
A house filled with lovely people and love.
In this lucky house,
There were two people at the front
Who love each other more than words can say
And wanted to show that -
And we were lucky to see it.

The Unthinking

After years, pages, blogs, books, a lot of time, a lot of water under the bridge... the unthinking is back.
Plodding slowly but surely through all that stagnant water that is still under the bridge, carefully growing greener with age and algae; the unthinking is relentless like zombies, not content with anything unless it is soiled and spoiled like it's empty rotten heart.
Malcontents often become the unthinking, as do adulterers, peacocks, jumped-up older brothers and stupid ones. The stupid ones make the worst kind, the kind that also whine; but at least that means you can hear when they are getting nearer.Avoid them, my dears. Shun them or burn them, but have nothing to do with them, most importantly of all: never ever ever fall in love with them. They will break your heart, then eat it.

Man in kilt shocker @ LloydsTSB

There was mayhem in Lloyds TSB Blackhorse in Cardiff on Friday, flashboy can exclusively reveal, as a man in a kilt caused scandal throughout the day.Adam Williams* (28) wore a kilt to work on a 'dress-down day', where employees can wear ordinary clothes (like trainers and jeans). His supervisor Mandy Edwards* (46) quipped jokingly at 9 am - "How long will it be before we get a complaint then Adam?". Within four hours Adam and Mandy's line manager Rob Alnwick* (40) had received a complaint from a member of staff who had found Adam's kilt "offensive".
Mandy was forced to follow company policy and explain the situation Adam, who was understandably unhappy, "I kicked off" he said, feeling that this was discrimination and an infringement of his human rights. Mandy, a very supportive supervisor, conveyed Adam's feelings to Rob. Rob had to speak with Blackhorse's HR department to clarify what the 'business perspective' was.The matter was neatly resolved, however, when HR told Rob that company policy regarding kilts was that men could wear them if they wanted.

Adam Williams thinks this highlights LTSBs admirable policy, but maybe shows a lack of diversity training in that LTSB is currently employing small-minded bigots.**

* Names have been changed to protect identities.
** This represents my opinion, and not the opinion of anybody important enough to get me sued, as freedom of expression is a British citizens right. Similarly, I think Tesco customer service is shit but not as shit as BTs, for instance.

BTW: How do I know this story is true? It happened to me last week.

Rose

Votre souffle dans le mien.
Membrane contre la membrane,
Sous la broche.
Les cils frôlent ma joue,
Cicatrice se décolorent au soleil pour toujours.
Les mains passionnantes ont laissé vont,
Glissent, s'affaiblissent et saisissent encore.
Sifflement des peaux émouvantes
Envahissant, rose sur le rose.
Bouts du doigt mous,
Balayant doucement le rose.
Vos lignes de besoin viennent défait,
Et je les dessine encore, et encore.
Chuchotez, et vous chuchotez,
Et vous respirez. Gardez la respiration,
En se déplaçant plus étroitement
Mais en touchant fermement.
Loqueteux, de façon ou d'autre montant,
Peau de sifflement finie de modèles de main.
Et tout est rose.
Engourdi, propre, rose.

Ones and noughts

taking waking shaking life
this waking life
breaking taking shaking dreams
these waking dreams
shaken paths of broken thoughts
broken hearts of ones and noughts
paths and cords and circuits and wires
stop the electricity and dismantle the fires

Insensitive, uneducated and ill-informed wankers

The insensitivity being shown by my colleagues towards the poor Brazilian man who was shot by police on Friday, is staggering.

They are incredulous that the family is going to sue the police. Calls of "What were they doing in this country in the first place? They should get back to Brazil" are actually being spoken.

Imagine if an innocent British man was shot in Brazil by Brazilian police. Imagine the outcry.

I'm pretty liberal, yes, and the opinions of people here today are pre-dominantly 'to the right', but keep going far enough right and that's where the extremists are.

Medley

You don't own me
Don't try to change me in anyway
You don't own me
Don't tie me down, cos I'll never stay
I don't tell you what to say
I don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That's all I ask of you
I hunger, for your love,
For love. Lonely time.
And time goes by, so slowly,
And time can do so much,
Are you still mine?
Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea,
To the open arms of the sea.
He can walk out anytime, across the sand,
Into the sea, into the brine,
And when I start my new life I won’t touch the ground,
Gonna try hard this time not to touch the ground.
So we sold the car and quit the job
And shook some hands and wiped the make-up right off,
And we said our good-byes to the bank
Left seven sisters for a room in a seaside shack,
The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together
Love Shack baby! Love Shack, that's where it's at!
Huggin' and a kissin', dancin' and a lovin', wearin' next to nothing,
Cause it's hot as an oven.
Bang bang on the door baby!
Bang bang on the door baby!
Bang bang you’re dead.

In Allah's name, this is wrong

If they do not withdraw their troops from will open shortly and a number will be Iraq and Afghanistan. He who warns is excused. issued. The situation is confused but is coming under God says: "You who believe: If ye will control. aid (the cause of) Allah, He will aid you, and plant your feet firmly." success of the raid. control. Remain where you are. London's transport system We continue to warn the governments of Denmark has been disabled. Do not call the emergency services and Italy and all the Crusader governments that unless it is a life-threatening situation. Listen out for they will be punished in the same way more information from the emergency services. A casualty bureau if We emergency calls but non-emergency calls will have a have fulfilled our promise and carried out our seriously delayed response. Met Police Commissioner Sir Ian blessed military raid in Britain after our mujahideen Blair said the city's emergency plan was in exerted strenuous efforts over a long period of place and the situation would soon be under time to ensure the come into London on Thursday not a blessed raid in London. Britain is now to do so. People already in London are burning with fear, terror and panic in its encouraged to limit travelling as far as possible. northern, southern, eastern, and western quarters. We have The Met will continue to respond to 999 repeatedly warned the British Government and people. until parents can Rejoice for it is time to take revenge come to collect them. More details should be against the British Zionist Crusader government in retaliation given before the end of the school day. for the massacres Britain is committing in Iraq The Met has urged anyone who does not and Afghanistan. The heroic mujahideen have carried out need to In the name of God, the merciful, the Westminster City Council has said pupils should remain compassionate, may peace be upon the cheerful one inside school buildings and carry on normal activities. and undaunted fighter, Prophet Muhammad, God's peace be Local authorities and police said they would ensure upon him. Nation of Islam and Arab nation: children are looked after safely.

Achy breaky Tuesday

Browbone is aching,
Ibuprofen is swallowed.
My eyes keep closing.

Simon's eyes are dry.
Air-conditioning hinders
His itchy eyesight.

Sleep is not easy.
Well, it has been easier,
I blame the parents.

BBC and me

BBC Streets of Cardiff - Womanby Street Vs Caroline Street

BBC Streets of Cardiff - Back to Richmond Road