Two interviews: 2004 & 2008

This is an interview with me from 2004:

My name is… flashboy
The thing I love most about what I do is… being in charge of creating whole worlds
People might be surprised to know that I… prefer gentlemen to blondes
The most important thing I’ve learned is… there are evil people in the world
I wish when I started off I’d been told that… you should avoid them
The worst thing that ever happened to me was… realising a whole group of my friends were not friends
And what this taught me was… how to recognise the evil ones
The happiest moment of my life was… probably spent in a nightclub with people I love
The secret to happiness is… plenty of sleep and lots of water
I love… jelly sweets
My best ever outfit consisted of… big denim flares and a little black t-shirt
The soundtrack of my life would include… Suede’s first and second album, DJ Supreme – Wildchild, Poing ’98, Supergrass – Mansize Rooster, Stevie Wonder – Superstition, Moz, Manics, Kinky Boots, DJ Joe King, KLF, Sound of Music soundtrack, Kasey Junior from Dumbo, and loads of Scott Walker
If I was invisible for a day I’d… spy on people
The thing that makes me most angry is… stupid people
If I was the most powerful person on Earth I’d… not cope and have to go and lie down in a dark room
The best/worst thing about family is… they’re always there when you need them/don’t need them
When I’m gone they’ll probably say… isn’t it quiet now?
If money was no option I’d… buy everyone a present and myself a castle
When I retire I would like to… own a little tea shop
The world would be a much better place if… people only listened
My hero is… my Mam and Dad
The thing that makes my life worth living is… creating stuff
My greatest hope for the future is… a happy ending

I thought I’d interview myself again and see how the answers differed...

My name is… Andrew or Andy
The thing I love most about what I do is… In my job, I help people every day. In the rest of my life... the act of creation, material and abstract
People might be surprised to know that I… am on a diet
The most important thing I’ve learned is… make as many friends as you can
I wish when I started off I’d been told that… you should totally go for it, at any opportunity
The worst thing that ever happened to me was… doesn’t matter anymore, because it can’t hurt me anymore
And what this taught me was… to let it go
The happiest moment of my life was… over too quick
The secret to happiness is… be healthy and make friends
I love… pandas, lately
My best ever outfit consisted of… too much make up and not enough clothes
The soundtrack of my life would include… The Hidden Cameras, Suede, Bearsuit, The Loves, disco, musicals... ooh loads of stuff
If I was invisible for a day I’d… probably look at boys changing
The thing that makes me most angry is… far too many things make me angry: The Daily Mail, stupid people, cunts, Lloyds TSB, Deborah
If I was the most powerful person on Earth I’d… get rid of the above
The best/worst thing about family is… only families can get away with any of it!
When I’m gone they’ll probably say… what a grumpy old cunt
If money was no option I’d… adopt babies
When I retire I would like to… watch my grandkids grow up
The world would be a much better place if… there were better rules
My hero is… Derek Jarman
The thing that makes my life worth living is… friends, helping people, making things
My greatest hope for the future is… peace and quiet

Hump From Bending

...by The Hidden Cameras, may well be the best song ever written.

I've had it with the present laws of this awful state!
The bleeding heart suffers eternally.
And in the prudishness of my fumbling
Feel the impending hump from bending

Hump from bending, like a child born in spring

I'll feel it in the sweaty claws grappling with fate
Doddering, the aching wait
I feel it in the vertebrate and there it festers great
The growing gloom that precedes the pain

Hump from bending, like a child born in spring

I could take it to the government with a doleful face
I'll saunter in with a slothful grace
And maybe with my indolence, and your suffering
We'll grow a meaty hump to support the kids

Hump from bending, like a child born in spring

I woke up from this reverie of standing tall and great
I was fastened to the stretching plate
And in a helpless glance, well I had to say,
That that's what keeps me on the bend to break

Hump from bending, like a child born in spring
Growing a hump from bending like child born in spring

Braille Haiku

Llwnc Destun

Dyma lwnc destun i ddathlu dechrau perthynas newydd, ac i ddweud ffarwel i hunan-sensoriaeth.

A drink and dream teahouse

When (and if) I ever manager to buy a house, I'd like to build a teahouse in the garden.



From Wikipedia

A typical tea house is surrounded by a small garden. In the garden there will also be a waiting area for guests, as well as a roji, or "dewy path", leading to the tea house. The tea house itself is usually built of wood and bamboo, and the only entrance and exit is a small, square door which symbolically separates the small, simple, quiet inside from the crowded, overwhelming outside world, and encourages humility in the host and guests, as all must kneel to enter the room. Tea houses usually consist of two rooms, one used for the preparation of food, snacks and tea supplies, and the other for the holding of the tea ceremony itself. The main room is typically extremely small, often 4 1/2 tatami mats, and the ceilings are low. There is no furniture, except what is required for the preparation of tea. There will usually be a charcoal pit in the centre of the room for boiling water for tea.

Guests and hosts sit seiza style on the floor. There is usually little decoration. There will be a tokonoma (scroll alcove) holding a scroll of calligraphy or brush painting, and perhaps a simple, small flower arrangement called cha-bana. All materials used are purposely simple and rustic.

It is usual for chashitsu to be named by their owners or benefactors. Names usually include the character for "hut", "hall," or "arbour," and reflect the spirit of rustic simplicity of tea ceremony and the teachings of Zen Buddhism. Characteristic names include:

Fushin-an (Doubting Hut)
Mugai-an (Introvert Hut)
Mokurai-an (Silent Thunder Hut)
Tokyū-dō (East-Seeking Hall)
Shō-an (Pine Hut)
Ichimoku-an (One Tree Hut)
Rokusō-an (Six Window Hut)
Bōji-tei (Forgotten Path Arbour)

Isn't that beautiful?

Ban Marriage

I've been talking to Nina recently about getting married: what flowers you'd have, what songs etc. I fell asleep and dreamed I was getting married. I walked in to a Hidden Cameras song, with my Mam, it was lovely. Then at the altar my man says "No, I can't do it. I'm sorry". So I punched him in the face.

Even when I dream it fucks up.

Suggested listening: Ban Marriage - The Hidden Cameras

Dark Days

The night, taking sky.
Take me and urgency,
escapes the trees.
This is no thousand
flickering lights cave in ink across the signal
and flip their way out into take me again.
I'll wait for time, for heroics.
Dark days. An age to spread
like black the cry. A howl growing.

Let me tell you something

In a complete stinker of a mood today! My walkman was on random this morning and 'Cantgetaman, cantgetajob' by Sister Bliss came on, the lyrics are funny and suit how pissed off I am today, so here they are:

Let me tell you something:
Life's a bitch.
I can't pay my bills,
I can't walk my dog,
I can't get a man,
it's just a bitch

Let me tell you something:
Life's a bitch.
The fridge is empty,
the cooker don't work.
Where's my money?
Oh, life is a bitch!

Cantgetaman
Cantgetaman, cantgetajob

Honey, I'm telling you something:
Life's a bitch.
I can't get a job,
but I don't wanna job.
I just wanna do something else with my time.

Cantgetaman, cantgetajob
Cantgetaman, cantgetajob

You wanna know something else:
There ain't no parties,
no hoedowns,
no good times.
There ain't nothing but the clothes I got on my back.
And guess what?
It's just a bitch!

Cantgetaman, cantgetajob
Cantgetaman, cantgetajob

Oh, life is a bitch!

Cocktails

Here are the recipes for two cocktails I invented.

Ammanford Dusk

Pour half a shot of brandy into a hi-ball glass, top with champagne (or cava if you're skint), then when the bubbles have stopped fizzing - gently pour 5 ml of cassis into the glass.
The cassis should sink to the bottom, so the drink goes from dusky purple to golden yellow. Lovely. A South Wales version of a Tequila Sunrise.

Pink

Pour a shot of brandy into a hi-ball glass, half fill the glass with Babysham, top with raspberryade or cherryade. Enjoy with ice and a novelty straw. Warning: gets you shitfaced before you know it. Pink is a favourite of Jenna from The Loves.

Frances Kidder became Priscilla Biggadyke

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Flowers for Mam

I made some of these for my Mam’s 56th birthday, she loved them, and has started making some as gifts for her knitting friends. They are also super easy to make!
Use any wool that you like, and pretty much any size needles. I used DK with 3.5mm double pointed needles.

You will need:

Set of 4 dpns (whatever size you’re used to)
Yarn (whatever type goes with your chosen needles)
Tapestry needle
Scissors
A spare hour or two

Okay here we go:
CO 30 sts. I always cast all my sts onto 1 ordinary needle, then transfer them to the double points as needed. I also CO 1 extra st, then knit the extra st and the first st together.
Divide the sts as 10 on each needle, join, then K 1 round.
K2, P1, K4, P1, K2 – for three rounds.
K until piece is about 1 ½ inches long.
Begin decreases:
K2, K2tog, K2, K2tog, K2.
K 1 round.
K1, K2tog, K2, K2tog, K1.
K1 round.
K2, K2tog, K2.
K2, K2tog, K1.
K1, K2tog, K1.
K1, K2tog.
You’ll now have 2 sts on each needle, cut the yarn leaving a long tail and thread through remaining sts, remove the needles and pull to draw tight. Weave in the yarn.

Now turn it inside out.
Pick up sts along a line, 1 sts every other purl bump.
Slip the first sts of every row, and then stocking sts until piece measure approx 5 inches / 13cm.
Garter stitch (knit every row) for another 2 inches / 6cm.
Cast off (bind off) leaving a long tail.
Now roll the long strip up like a swiss roll, and using the tail of yarn, sew closed at the end which is the bottom of the cup.
Now you turn the cup inside out, push a knitting needle through the middle of the flower and out of the end of the cup, pull down all the way and…

Presto! You have a flower. Make loads and put them in a vase.

Happy St Vals

Love from Andrew xx

Pilloried

Two persons stood in the Pillory this Week for Sodomy, and were sadly maul’d.
(Mist’s Weekly Journal – 12th November 1726)

I look to the sun, but it does not warm
as we’re kicked, shoved on to the caravan;
Jeered and debased as the lowest worm.
The frictions of rope at wrist and neck burn,
and I can turn only slightly to watch them;
the murderous mob waiting in the streets.
They don't even know who I am
yet they carry armloads of vegetable rot.
All sound seems to seep away up there
when you're forced to look down.
The light is brighter, even the air
is softer than the finest eiderdown.
Then the first missile is struck in your face, your eye,
and even through the pain, you must not, must not cry.

Boy

I held him close,
in the disinfectant chill of the brisk ward.
Like a china plate, close to my face.
Breathed clean smells and wet sighs.

I helped him drink,
had my finger held tightly and milky burps
blown at me from a tiny distance.
Was stared at like a stranger.

I pretended he was my son,
fussed over his flat hair as
the hugest blue eyes focussed,
but only for a second.

Crash

It takes an age
for the wheels to stop spinning,
for time to rush back
like air into a vacuum.
The road swerved up into us
and down this embankment,
now we’re stuck in the trees.
I can’t move my neck
but my hands seem to work,
they’re trying to unbuckle the seatbelt.
I feel swallowed, a tunnel through
bent trunks gapes at the motorway.
There are lights, orange and blue.
I can see lights.